If Varaj had logged in and posted as you, what would you/he have said?

[Pigs in Space]

"So this is what it's like to have a penis".

[alternate identity]

"So this is what it's like to have a penis".

Don't have one, don't want one.

AI

[Harry]

Don't have one, don't want one.

AI

Stannis?

[alternate identity]

Stannis?

Now you're getting nasty...

AI

[Radu]

You're really missing out, AI. They're lots of fun, and they can get you into all kinds of trouble. Plus, you can pee standing up!

[Hatter]

IT GOES IN THE POOPER!

[alternate identity]

You're really missing out, AI. They're lots of fun, and they can get you into all kinds of trouble. Plus, you can pee standing up!

Don't want trouble, can already pee standing up.

AI

[Caliphis]

You make more money, and no one looks down on you for asserting yourself.

[DarwinOfMind]

This is the strangest topic...

I'm with AI, A penis is really overrated and I could do without mine.

[Squash Cop]

This is the strangest topic...

I'm with AI, A penis is really overrated and I could do without mine.

What year is it? How many miles? Much rust on the undercarriage?

I'm not really in the market for a new one, just keeping an eye out. You never know what might happen.

[SpikeyFreak]

What year is it? How many miles? Much rust on the undercarriage?

I'm not really in the market for a new one, just keeping an eye out. You never know what might happen.
Forgot to ask model. I'd be way more interested in a VW Bus vs a VW Bug.

--Adequate Spikey

[Lady_Acoma]

I would pretty much rather die then have a penis. Occasionally I think I might due to blood loss but still.

[Squash Cop]

Forgot to ask model. I'd be way more interested in a VW Bus vs a VW Bug.

--Adequate Spikey

Or one of those Asian imports... :yuck:

[SpikeyFreak]

See, all you women are saying that you'd rather not have one, but you really just can't imagine what you're missing when you can't slap someone with a penis. It's very satisfying. Especially slapping other men with it. In the face.

--The Slapper Spikey

[Janos]

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him.

He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know.

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

[Dacke]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9PiqCeLEmM

[The Winslow]

Just so I know, who in this thread is not actually Varaj?

[DarwinOfMind]

Everyone on this board is Varaj, always has been, just one member I troll myself here.

[Space Cadet B^3]

Everyone on this board is Varaj, always has been, just one member I troll myself here.
I know you are, but what am I?

[Radu]

See, I realize now that I missed a really good opportunity for a Kirk Douglas moment, because "I'm Varaj." Next poster: "I'm Varaj." Next poster: "I'm Varaj." And so on and so on until we had the whole active roster of KT standing up.

There aren't many really good Spartacus moments out there, I'm sorry to miss this one.

[Space Cadet B^3]

I am Radu!

Wait, what?

[Redallia]

I'd like to be somebody else. Is anybody out there willing to swap?

[Radu]

... are we back to discussing genitalia again?

[shiningbrow]

See, I realize now that I missed a really good opportunity for a Kirk Douglas moment, because "I'm Varaj." Next poster: "I'm Varaj." Next poster: "I'm Varaj." And so on and so on until we had the whole active roster of KT standing up.

There aren't many really good Spartacus moments out there, I'm sorry to miss this one.

All this discourse re: identity politics makes me think of the New York pizzarias: Rays, Original Rays, and not Rays (the name, Rays, in a circle with a line through it). We are all impostors. And if you live well, everyday is Halloween.

[The Winslow]

... are we back to discussing genitalia again?
Yes and no. There is no limit to what Varaj can impersonate!

[bunny]

I'd like to be somebody else. Is anybody out there willing to swap?

I would, but given that we're both Varaj, is there really a point?

[Lady_Acoma]

Who's turn is it to have sex with us? This is very important to our health!l (http://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/male-masturbation.html)

[Redallia]

I would, but given that we're both Varaj, is there really a point?

Shh! We're confusing ourselves!

[alternate identity]

You make more money, and no one looks down on you for asserting yourself.

True, and a sore point with me.

AI

[bunny]

You make more money, and no one looks down on you for asserting yourself.

I thought the international brotherhood of men had an unspoken agreement that you weren't supposed to talk about that. Especially to women. Feminism is supposed to be a dirty word in modern society. ;)

[Hatter]

I'm actually a Cyberzombie alt.

[Pigs in Space]

I'm actually a Cyberzombie alt.

Isn't Cyberzombie a Varaj alt?

[Harry]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9PiqCeLEmM

I'll see your penis song, and raise you:

Uncle Bonsai, The Penis Envy Song....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf-T7m808DE

I saw this group at the Antenna Club back in the late 80s. I sat around with them after the show, bought the record, and asked them to sign it for me. And they did! And I still own it!

They signed it, [all their names] to [my name] - "Get a life! :) "

[Radu]

That's good advice, Harry. Any thoughts on when you might give it a try? :D

[alternate identity]

T'was on the good ship Venus.
Migawd you should have seen us.
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast a petrified penis.

AI