Good Clean Jokes Needed

[Lady Fury]

My 6yr has to tell a joke in front of her class this week. It's an exercise in getting the kids comfortable speaking in front of an audience. The joke can't be potty humor and it should be something that would sound ok coming out of a 6yr old's mouth. Please post as many as you can think of in this thread and I'll see which one she likes. I have until Wednesday I think to get the joke written down and turned in for the teacher's approval.

[Harry]

Just did a quick Google for kids jokes and found these:

What part of a football pitch smells nicest ?
The scenter spot !

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space ?
Because there is no atmosphere !

What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ?
Cold Trafford !

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ?
Somebody took a corner !

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply ?
Paul gas coin !

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ?
Ince pies !

What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?
Both do hat tricks !

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !

Why are football players never asked for dinner ?
Because they're always dribbling !

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ?
Because he liked sole music !

hth :tongue:

[Scutisorex Shrewlord]

Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Their women won't take anything unless it's 20% off.

[shiningbrow]

How does the world's smallest person say goodbye?

With a micro wave!

[Radu]

Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

What do you get when you are attacked by a vampiric snowman? Frostbite!

A fish swam into a wall. DAM!

Knock knock. (Who's there?) Interrupting Cow. (Interrup--) MOO!
Knock knock. (Who's there?) Interrupting Turtle. (Interrupting Turtle who?) (say nothing.) <---- best told one after the other.

Why do Elephants travel in herds? So they can get group discounts on green felt hats. Why do they want that? So they can sneak across pool tables without being seen. Have you ever seen an Elephant on a pool table? No? It must work.

What's a pirate's favorite kind of movie? It's rated "arrr!"
What's a pirate's favorite kind of sock? Arrrrgyle!
What's a pirate's favorite restaurant? Harrrrrdy's/Arrrrby's
What's a pirate's favorite state? Arrrrrkansas!
Who's a pirate's favorite action hero? Arrrrrrrrnold!
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military? (wait for someone to say "the Arrrrmy!" then deadpan:) The navy!

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer. And a mop."

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"

A rope walks into a bar and the bartender tells him, "we don't serve ropes." The rope walks out, tangles itself up, and walks back in. The bartender asks him, "aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" The rope says, "no, I'm a frayed knot."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "make me one with everything" and hands the vendor a $20 bill. When the vendor doesn't return any money, the Buddhist asks for his change. The vendor smiles and says, "change comes from within."

A man is walking down the street and meets a pirate with a peg leg, an eyepatch, and a hook. He asks the pirate how he lost his leg. The pirate says, "shark attack." The man asks how he lost his hand and the pirate says, "cut off in battle." The man asks how he lost his eye and the pirate says, "bird poop." The man thinks about this and asks, "bird poop?" The pirate smiles and says, "aye, bird poop. It was me first day with me hook."

[shiningbrow]

I loved the one about the elephants getting discounts on green felt hats. Daffy.

[obryn]

Here you go!

http://theoatmeal.com/djtaf/

-O

[Droid101]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?


fshhhhhhhhhh

[bunny]

Where did the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies. (waves sleeved arms for effect)


A duck walks into a green grocer and walks up to the manager.
"Got any duck food?"
"No," says the manager. "This is a green grocer. Try the pet store next door."
"Okay," says the duck, and he walks out.

(repeat with manager getting slightly more frustrated)

The third day the duck walks into the green grocer and walks up to the manager and says, "Got any duck food?"
The manager gets really angry and says "I told you yesterday and the day before WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD HERE. If you come in here ONE more time looking for duck food, I'm going to nail your webby little feet to the floor!!

"Okay," says the duck and he walks out.

The following day the duck walks into the green grocer and walks up to the manager and says, "Got any nails?"

"Nnno," The manager says suspisciously.

"Got any duck food?"

[Janos]

Why did the man throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

:)

[Lady Fury]

Here you go!

http://theoatmeal.com/djtaf/

-O

Thanks!


And thank you all for posting jokes. Please add more if you can think of any. I'm not going to have my daughter choose until tomorrow night.

[Ergeheilalt]

What's a brown and sticky?

A stick! HEYO!


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was DEAD! ZING!

[Kastil]

OMG... these are hilarious!

[Varaj]

Why did the little boy cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

What did the skeleton say when he fell into the water?
I'm soaked to the bones.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie?
He didn't have the guts.

[bunny]

What did one snow man say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?


Two sausages are lying in a pan. One turns to the other and says, "Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?"

The other one replies, "AAAAH! A talking sausage!!!"

[Lady Fury]

The joke my daughter went with was: What kind of flower can you find growing between your nose and your toes?


Answer: Two Lips.... tulips...


Apparently she heard it on one of her Strawberry Shortcake Dvds.

[Varaj]

Alt. Answer: That taint a flower.

[Lady Fury]

Alt. Answer: That taint a flower.

Um.... I was going to wait until she got out of kindergarten to teach her about that flower.