What not to say when meeting the parents

[Varaj]

http://xkcd.com/275/
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/thoughts.png

[Space Cadet B^3]

Bwahahahahahah!

[Atropine Mama]

Oh god, it's like meeting your family all over again, Varaj! :D

First meeting of Deathe's family eight years ago, biiiiiig family dinner, brought my three year old daughter with us and we're all dressed nicely. Everyone is super-sweet, but halfway through dinner the usual questions start coming up about how we met, etc., and then Deathe's brother (Orson, the biggest teddy bear/practical joker) pipes up "At least we know he's not gay!"

I could have slid under the table and died. I've tried many times to get back at Orson for that one since. Someday, I will succeed. Someday, Orson, SOMEDAY!!! *shakes fist*

[PWD]

Wifey and I met each others parents without incident. However when the time came to introduce our parents to each other, her mother piped up as soon as everyone was sitting down for dinner that everyone should eat fast because "I bet they want us to hurry up and leave so they can have sex".

I just froze my smile on my face and finished dinner while Wife-to-be tried not to die of embarassment.

[doc]

Better then the sister commenting on the boner you have.

[PWD]

Better then the sister commenting on the boner you have.

Commenting, shit. If she notices it she'd better do something about it.

[doc]

I wouldn't have minded a little sisterly 3 way at the time, now I'ld shoot myself if I woke up with either one of them

[Janos]

I wouldn't have minded a little sisterly 3 way at the time,

We often tease you about being inbred Doc, but did you have to go and reiterate that you are?!

:eek:

[Space Cadet B^3]

I'm pretty sure he means "her" sister

[PWD]

I'm pretty sure he means "her" sister

Her sister, His sister... Same difference, really? It's doc. :D

[Janos]

I'm pretty sure he means "her" sister

Psst, you're ruining the joke squishy!

:p

[doc]

I'm pretty sure he means "her" sister Thanks Jelly

Her sister, His sister... Same difference, really? It's doc. :D Love you loooong time PWD :), The Ex was fine, her half sister Jo was finer, both are crazier then a Newfie on a acid trip

[Hastur T. Fannon]

My jeans split during the first meeting with the entire family of my future in-laws. Right across the back

[Xavier Lang]

Meeting my wife's family was fun. I met her dad at the Renaissance Festival and I liked him immediately. It helped that he was a friendly and nice guy about half my size.

I didn't have any problems with her Mom when we met but I did feel out of place at first. I didn't realize that 5'9" was as tall as her family got. I'm 6'4" so I felt freakishly tall and out of place. Then they started teasing each other just like my family does and I felt at home.

[doc]

I'm 6'4" so that's not freakishly tall, everyone else is runts

[FeatsofClay]

I was standing in the kitchen of my soon-to-be ex and her mother walke din and looked at me and said "Well, don't you think you're special!"

It went downhill form there. Eventually she ended up shooting at me.

:D

[Xavier Lang]

I'm 6'4" so that's not freakishly tall, everyone else is runts

6'4" isn't freakishly tall, I just felt too tall for the room I was in because everyone else was significantly shorter.

[Glass]

I'm going to be keeping this in mind all this weekend(while I meet my girlfriend's stepdad and extended family). Thanks Varaj.

[there_is_no_bob]

I'm going to be keeping this in mind all this weekend(while I meet my girlfriend's stepdad and extended family). Thanks Varaj.
Make sure to remember all the parts of her anatomy you've seen, touched, fondled and otherwise abused, too.


Remember them real hard, 'cause that will make things so much easier!




I love xkcd. It is the awesome.

[doc]

I was standing in the kitchen of my soon-to-be ex and her mother walke din and looked at me and said "Well, don't you think you're special!"

It went downhill form there. Eventually she ended up shooting at me.

:D
She missed of course, what was the bitch's problem with you ?
6'4" isn't freakishly tall, I just felt too tall for the room I was in because everyone else was significantly shorter. You're right, everyone else is freakishly short

I'm going to be keeping this in mind all this weekend(while I meet my girlfriend's stepdad and extended family). Thanks Varaj. Remember she'll end up looking like her mother.

[Freedom Canadian]

I've met girls with strange parents.

Faced with a comment such as "I have licked your daughter's nipples", they might answer without even batting an eye or pausing "What did they taste like ?"

her mother piped up as soon as everyone was sitting down for dinner that everyone should eat fast because "I bet they want us to hurry up and leave so they can have sex".


Admit it, she was right. :D

[Glass]

Remember she'll end up looking like her mother.

Not so bad, I've met her mom already.

[bunny]

Just don't do what my first boyfriend did. It should be mentioned that he was a bit of a health nut, and found my tastes for things such as pork rhinds revolting.


My parents decided to invite him out to a restaurant dinner with my brother and me. Things were going smoothly, until my mum made a comment about my eating habbits at the time, and my sweetheart of a boyfriend exclaimed "loudly "Yeah, you wouldn't believe the kinds of things she'll put in her mouth.

I was very very very embarassed for the rest of the meal,

[FeatsofClay]

She missed of course, what was the bitch's problem with you ?
.


I was with her daughter. Similar issues with her first husband.

[Sobek]

I was with her daughter. Similar issues with her first husband.

Wait.... Her first husband was with her daughter?

Shit, you really are in WV.

[GreyOne]

Now that I have a daughter the following rules (taken from the internet) will be immediately in effect:

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Ergeheilalt]

Stuff

Where is the disclaimer about taking him out back and showing him the ol' probe?

[Dawnstar]

I do not remember when I first met my MIL but I do remember the first time I met all of his extended family. It was very strange but overall it went well. I found out that my hubby is related to people that I knew in high school so that was strange.

[Glass]

Well, I survived a weekend in Maine, so I suppose they liked me. And I refrained from saying "I touch your daughter's nipples! And they're pierced!"

[Martin]

So you're saying that the conversation could have gone:

"I tell you what, Mr. Future-Father-In-Law, I've just got to say, 'ku-dos.' I don't know if she gets the freaky sex thing from your side or from her mother's, but I'm hoping for your sake that it's from her mother's side. She does this panting thing when I'm circling her nipples with my tongue--you know what I'm talking about, right? (and might I say that the piercings don't hurt at all)--then goes right into fucking wildcat mode. And when I say 'fucking wildcat mode' I don't mean sunshine and rainbows, I mean the full on clawing, biting and various other, well, frankly, nasty things.

"Well, regardless of where she gets it from, me likee. Thank you, sir. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And when I say 'bottom of my heart' I think that we both know what I'm talking about, right? You know what I mean."

Yeah, I can see where that might have been construed as somewhat inappropriate.

[Glass]

No, because her mother is re-married. That conversation's saved for when I meet her father. :p

[doc]

I picked up a woman I know this weekend at her parents house (they were watching her kid), anyway her mother asked where I met her so I told her at Bailiey's (local club, she was there for a after the (wedding) reception party), Mom started in on her about going to bars etc. and picking up strange men. :rolleyes:. After we left Kate told me it wasn't me, it was that her Mother wants her to get back with her Ex, the mental abusive Ex that Mommy things hangs the moon and, her daughter is lying about his BS. ( I know the asshole)

[Cat of Ulthar]

I am always very well behaved when meeting family. It is the family usually what act all weird...:grey:

my first boyfriend's mum to her son: "I caught you smoking a joint in the back yard! You are not allowed to see Cat any more!!!" :confused:
my dad to that boyfriend: "Oh, so you are Jan? So I hear you are an incredibly cute guy?" Jan: :grey: "er..." dad: "Never mind, help me carry this couch inside will you?"

another boyfriend: "Hi mister Ulthar, I am Cat's boyfriend." dad: "Oh really? Was some other guy yesterday."

another boyfriend's grandmother: "A nice girl but too skinny."
my grandmother on that same boyfriend: "That long hair is ridiculous, boys don't wear their hair long any more!" "No grandma, some still do..." "Yeah, those yippies in Amsterdam...":D

a mum to her friend: "This is my son, Alex." friend: "Oooh, you look so handsome!" mum: "And this is his girlfriend, Cat." friend: "Oooh... you look so intelligent."

a mum after her son and another girl and me had a threesome and the girl and I were taking a shower, we had no clue she knew: "Are your ladies out of the shower yet?"

the current SO's mum: "Never mind her, she's Dutch.":grey: