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View Full Version : Shaolin Monks outraged

Varaj
08-31-2007, 09:47 AM
http://www.theregister.com/2007/08/31/kung_fu_monks/
Monks at China's Shaolin Temple are vociferously demanding an apology from an anonymous Japanese internet user who suggested that a single ninja had once whupped the asses of the kung fu masters at the martial art's spiritual home.

Specifically, "Five Minutes Every Day" last week posted a comment in an online forum claiming that "a Japanese ninja came to Shaolin, asked for a fight and many monks failed to beat him". He added: "The facts that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain."

Well, this didn't go down too well at all. According to Reuters, the Shaolin monks rapidly engaged a lawyer, who issued a notice declaring: "The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the internet user to apologise to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did."

The monks further told the Beijing News: "It is not only extremely irresponsible behaviour with respect to the Shaolin temple and its monks, but also to the whole martial art and Chinese nation."

We'd like to suggest that before this gets out of hand the kung fu monks could settle the matter out of court by simply challenging Japan's top ninja to 15 rounds in a pay-per-view WWF-style "Battle of the Titans". The last Oriental standing could then go on to challenge aikido death machine Steven Seagal for the coveted "Hardest Man Alive" crown. ®
Limper
08-31-2007, 10:04 AM
The Shaolin Monks involved have clearly failed themselves on two points... first I'd imagine that the tenants of their faith and art would frown upon taking this sort of bait... second they took the internet to seriously and that loses them all their accumulated Karma for the last 3000 years.
Varaj
08-31-2007, 10:15 AM
The Shaolin Monks involved have clearly failed themselves on two points... first I'd imagine that the tenants of their faith and art would frown upon taking this sort of bait... second they took the internet to seriously and that loses them all their accumulated Karma for the last 3000 years.


We are talking about the group that used to be a mafia group that got tired of being hunted so formed a "religion" right?
Limper
08-31-2007, 10:35 AM
We are talking about the group that used to be a mafia group that got tired of being hunted so formed a "religion" right?

By forming a religion they became proponents of a belief structure and with that came responsibility to consistancy with that structure.

Plus they took the Net to serious.
Varaj
08-31-2007, 10:51 AM
By forming a religion they became proponents of a belief structure and with that came responsibility to consistancy with that structure.

Plus they took the Net to serious.

I am so sending ninjas to kick your ass. :)
Limper
08-31-2007, 10:57 AM
I am so sending ninjas to kick your ass. :)

Good luck I sprayed for them already.
Varaj
08-31-2007, 11:05 AM
Good luck I sprayed for them already.

Won't work. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001
Limper
08-31-2007, 11:07 AM
Won't work. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39001

They just didn't use the new spray which gets passed the built up resistance.
Varaj
08-31-2007, 11:07 AM
They just didn't use the new spray which gets passed the built up resistance.

You're a dirty pirate lover ain't ya? :mad:
Limper
08-31-2007, 11:16 AM
You're a dirty pirate lover ain't ya? :mad:

Not at all I use antipiratotic hand soap and everything as well.
Varaj
08-31-2007, 11:36 AM
Not at all I use antipiratotic hand soap and everything as well.

Over using those products reduces your natural resistance to piracy.
Limper
08-31-2007, 11:38 AM
Over using those products reduces your natural resistance to piracy.

BUT if it kills all the pirates then why should I worry about them?
Varaj
08-31-2007, 11:42 AM
BUT if it kills all the pirates then why should I worry about them?

Only the pirates right around you. Then somebody flies in and they might have been exposed to foreign pirates.
Limper
08-31-2007, 11:43 AM
Only the pirates right around you. Then somebody flies in and they might have been exposed to foreign pirates.

Silly, pirates don't fly so those people would be safe.
Droid101
08-31-2007, 11:46 AM
BUT if it kills all the pirates then why should I worry about them?

It only kills 99.99% of pirates. After your 10,000th pirate encounter, you'll be in trouble.
Limper
08-31-2007, 12:00 PM
It only kills 99.99% of pirates. After your 10,000th pirate encounter, you'll be in trouble.

I have pointy toed boots and a hammer... still not worried.
Northcott
08-31-2007, 03:59 PM
Silly, pirates don't fly so those people would be safe.


Dude, you forgot about sky pirates! Fucking zeppelins!
Varaj
08-31-2007, 04:14 PM
Dude, you forgot about sky pirates! Fucking zeppelins!


Exactly. It is attitudes like Limper's that will make the inevitable pirate pandemic all the worse.
Stratego
08-31-2007, 04:20 PM
I'd like to point out that there's no mention of the American Ninja in this article. Actually, you seldom hear about him today. And why is that? It's because he's too busy gettin' shit DONE to be in the news.
cnath.rm
09-01-2007, 03:19 PM
Exactly. It is attitudes like Limper's that will make the inevitable pirate pandemic all the worse.However, for those of us who enjoy cooler tempretures, the upcoming global cooling will be rather nice.
Varaj
09-01-2007, 03:20 PM
However, for those of us who enjoy cooler tempretures, the upcoming global cooling will be rather nice.

True, true. Natures way of keeping balance.
Scarbonac
09-01-2007, 03:38 PM
What it comes down to, who is cooler?

American Ninja? Made of Sad. :yawn:

Kwai Chang Caine? Filled with WIN. :cool: