Crappy movies... but you still love 'em.

[Pigs in Space]

I don't know if you folks are like me - but perhaps you are in your love of a few specific movies.

So state the movie and why.

For me - I got a two big ones to mention. And they are shit. I mean, even I think they are shit. Poorly scripted, poorly acted. Little or no plot or indeed such a lack of plot that they make other movies released in that era worse...

You know what I am talking about.

My list.

Duece bigalow, Male Gigolo:
Rob Schnieder, you useless fucker. The scene where he pulls her fake leg off, is so... incredibly poorly acted. Oh god, and the script is fucking awful.
But... the scene where he takes his date (who has tourette's) to the baseball game... AHAHAHAHAH.
The continual use of the world "manwhore." AHAHAHAHAHA.
The scene with the super tall woman whose head is never in shot. AHHAHAHAHAHAH.
The last 30 minutes of the movie where they try to wrap up the script is... pretty bad, although duece's love interest's house mate has some good moments.

Happy gilmore: I will put up with this movie for the blond chick (who possibly never acted again) just to laugh at her stilted attempt at dialogue. The next good point are the names... "Shooter Mcgavin". hehe. And lastly, the scene in the bar... where he flips out, smashes the glass and nearly Irishes shooter... godammit, that even makes BA laugh, and she usually won't put up with my irrationality when it comes to this kind of crap. ;)

love you hon.

I am sure there are a couple of other shitty movies I love, if I was to be reminded...

;)

[ColonelHardisson]

Bloodsport. One of my favorite movies. Pure, dumb fun. Lots of fighting. Tiger Chun Li. What more do you want?

Wing Commander. Exquisite in its badness. Many of the FX shots, especially of the vastness of space, are stunningly beautiful, and the ships look cool. But oddly enough, the Kilrathi suits would embarrass Sid and Marty Krofft.

Commando. Distilled Arnold goodness. This movie has many of his best one-liners, and the filmmakers dispense with the bullshit and start the action almost immediately.

[Scarbonac]

Gargoyles: Cheese-laden TV flick about gargoyles in the American Southwest.

Hawk the Slayer: Hey, someone's D&D game made into a movie! With Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Jack Palance chews scenery like no one's business.

[Daemon Sultan]

I really like Ed Wood movies but I'll go with my two favorites.

Plan 9 From Outer space - Horrible script filled with plot holes, cheesy acting and cheesy special effects. Sometimes you can even see parts of the set fall over.

Glen or Glenda - A movie about how the world hates cross dressers told from Ed wood's point of view. Ed Wood even plays Glen/Glenda. Craptastic movie. I love it.

[JavaElemental]

Apparently, I am the only person on Earth who actually liked Ghost Rider. I thought it was fun and cheesy. I'm a big sucker for "beauty & the beast" stories, and Ghost Rider had a dash of that, in between the occasional explosion. Surf Nazis Must Die -- (She's big! She's bad! She's Leroy's mama!) -- was one long suck-fest, and I giggled through every single minute of it. Much of what Full Moon put out in the late '80s, early '90s, such as the entire Trancers series -- Jack Deth! -- Dollman and Dollman and the Demonic Toys -- mini Jack Deth! -- and the Subspecies series -- great stuff. I saw a horrible, horrible movie made by Alice Cooper called Moon Dog, and good lord, did that thing stink. It was great. Anything that Elvira, Mistress of the Dark hosted and/or starred in was guaranteed good times.

[ColonelHardisson]

Gargoyles: Cheese-laden TV flick about gargoyles in the American Southwest.

Great flick. This movie was legendary even in the 70s, when I was growing up. Watched it every chance I got. Moody and atmospheric in the first half or so. The big battle near the end is so...bizarre. And there's a young Scott Glenn as a member of a dirt bike gang. So much to love about this movie.

[Keeper of Secrets]

This is a pretty 'good' one. It may have the distinction of the movie that put Hammer Films out of business.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Legend_of_the_7_Golden_Vampires

[Dacke]

Barbarian Brothers. This movie is about two barbarian twins who are taken from their gypsy caravan at an early age, and raised separately. Each is given very harsh treatment by a helmeted man (one by a man with a golden helmet, one with a black). Eventually, when they're grown, they are each outfitted with the opposite helmet and sent into an arena to fight one another. One manages to chop the face of the other one's helmet, which leads to this piece of stellar dialogue:
"Hey, you have my face!"
"No, you have mine!"
"We must be brothers. Let's get out of here!"

They tear the place apart and leave, setting out to find the gypsy queen's belly stone in order to restore their tribe or something like that. There's another scene where they're killing a giant snake/dragon thing, and are hiding in a pit in order to ambush it. As the snake crawls over the pit, they both stab their weapons upward, one with a sword, and the other with an... axe. Which as we all know, works fabulously when stabbed straight upward.

[Kwalish Kid]

Wing Commander. Exquisite in its badness. Many of the FX shots, especially of the vastness of space, are stunningly beautiful, and the ships look cool. But oddly enough, the Kilrathi suits would embarrass Sid and Marty Krofft.
I'm with you on this one. Love it despite its too obvious flaws.

[FeatsofClay]

Rob Schnieder, you useless fucker.


I dated his ex-wife for a while. Odd woman.

Circle of Iron (also released as The Silent Flute) written by Bruce Lee to explain a veiw of Zen to American audiences and then he died. They, of course, got David Carradine to play the roles ruce wanted. Hideous acting, thrown together plot and 90 minutes of solid goodness.

[Glass]

Masters of the Universe. Courtney Cox, Lieutenant Tom Parris from Voyager, the principal from Back to the Future playing exactly the same kind of slacker-hating badass he was in BttF, and Dolph Lundgren grunt-fucking his way through a leading role because he probably couldn't speak much English. Also featuring midgets, beast-men, Frank Langella, and the battle thong. Priceless. :D

[ColonelHardisson]

Circle of Iron (also released as The Silent Flute) written by Bruce Lee to explain a veiw of Zen to American audiences and then he died. They, of course, got David Carradine to play the roles ruce wanted. Hideous acting, thrown together plot and 90 minutes of solid goodness.

I enjoyed that movie. While I suspected what the ending would be, it still had an impact, and has stuck with me. It really is too bad Bruce didn't get a chance to make it.

[shabois]

:DMany mainstream people seen to hate Big Trouble in little China is one of my all time faves. Iron Eagle is up there and since we are talking Bloodsport. My fave Van Dame movie is Born to Run- low on the martial arts, but high on the Rosanna Arqette boob action!

[Glass]

:DMany mainstream people seen to hate Big Trouble in little China is one of my all time faves. Iron Eagle is up there and since we are talking Bloodsport. My fave Van Dame movie is Born to Run- low on the martial arts, but high on the Rosanna Arqette boob action!
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Big Trouble in Little China isn't crappy. :D

[Freedom Canadian]

I liked the Batman movie that everyone hates. You know, the one with Arnold as Mr Freeze ?

It's completely silly and wacky. Plus, how can you go wrong with suit nipples ? :)

[Freedom Canadian]

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Big Trouble in Little China isn't crappy. :D

I've never heard anyone say anything negative about that movie. :)

[Ancalagon]

I haven't seen it, but I have heard that Big trouble in little china was quite good...

It seems that the 13th warrior isn't a good movie, but I enjoyed it tremendously.

[PWD]

I haven't seen it, but I have heard that Big trouble in little china was quite good...

:eek:

See it. Now.

[shabois]

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Big Trouble in Little China isn't crappy. :D

The movi has a bit of a cult status. I am not saying it is crappy. I really like it. I just know people who don't like it. At the time it was poorly reviewed. I think there is a good amount of people who think it sucks.

[Glass]

The movi has a bit of a cult status. I am not saying it is crappy. I really like it. I just know people who don't like it. At the time it was poorly reviewed. I think there is a good amount of people who think it sucks.
Fucking heathens, the lot of them.

Ancalagon, you need to see this movie.

[Northcott]

13th Warrior
Fucking loved it. The viking chieftain/Beowulf? Awesome. My favourite character in the flick. The smaller viking who was the Arab's closest friend reminded me an awful lot of an old friend of mine.

Pulp Movies: The Rocketeer, The Phantom, The Shadow
Fucking love 'em. Love 'em all! Other people find them mediocre or even hate them -- I fucking love 'em. Now if somebody would just do a proper Tarzan flick, actually getting it fucking right for once, I'd be in 7th Heaven.

[there_is_no_bob]

It's completely silly and wacky. Plus, how can you go wrong with suit nipples ? :)Well, the way it happens is you're a henchman, right?

And your boss needs to get the hell away, y'know?


So he throws you at the hero, and you're all "Oh, well, at least I'll just slide down his chest armour".


But then you find out he has chest nipples, as ONE OF THEM CATCHES YOUR FUCKING EYELID!!!




...This post is brought to you by the word of the day "Craptackular".

[Northcott]

And NoBob wins the thread!

[Black Angel]

I liked the Batman movie that everyone hates. You know, the one with Arnold as Mr Freeze ?


I can't believe anyone hasn't posted this yet but...

'Ice to meet you'


Lamest movie line evar, but hilarious never-the-less. :p

[shabois]

13th Warrior
Fucking loved it. The viking chieftain/Beowulf? Awesome. My favourite character in the flick. The smaller viking who was the Arab's closest friend reminded me an awful lot of an old friend of mine.

Pulp Movies: The Rocketeer, The Phantom, The Shadow
Fucking love 'em. Love 'em all! Other people find them mediocre or even hate them -- I fucking love 'em. Now if somebody would just do a proper Tarzan flick, actually getting it fucking right for once, I'd be in 7th Heaven.

Dude 13th Warrior was sweet! I forgot about that one. I could take or leave Banderas but the movie was more original than most far. The director also did Die Hard. I believe he got in a fight with the studio over the final cut and walked away from the movie at the end. I think it shows in some parts as I think the editing gets a little choppy. If that story is true I would love to see a directors cut at some point but I doubt they would let McTeiran release one.

[Harry]

I'm rather unclear as to why The 13th Warrior keeps cropping up in folks mentions in this thread. It is a fine movie, and there is nothing crappy about it.

Lest people forget:

The 13th Warrior Herger the Joyous Appreciation Page (http://www.angelfire.com/dragon/the13thwarrior/)

[Northcott]

The 13th Warrior was panned by critics (iirc) and did luke warm sales at the box office. It's folks like us that give it the cult popularity status it enjoys. :)

[Enk]

Hudson Hawk.

"I'm the villian!"

[Limper]

Gargoyles: Cheese-laden TV flick about gargoyles in the American Southwest.


Holy crap! I thought I was the only person to watch that movie.

WooHoo! It's not a hallucination!

[Limper]

Hudson Hawk.

"I'm the villian!"

That is the best fucking movie of all time!

[Enk]

That is the best fucking movie of all time!

To this day, my kids get Swingin' on a Star for their lullabies.

[Limper]

To this day, my kids get Swingin' on a Star for their lullabies.

I do that as well.

[FeatsofClay]

Near Dark, midwestern vampires. Panned, loved it personally.

"Just how old are you anyway?"
"Let's put it this way: I fought for the South. We lost."

Great flick.

"Hey, Jesse, remember that fire we set in Chicago?"

Hilarious, messy, good fun.

[Limper]

Near Dark, midwestern vampires. Panned, loved it personally.

"Just how old are you anyway?"
"Let's put it this way: I fought for the South. We lost."

Great flick.

"Hey, Jesse, remember that fire we set in Chicago?"

Hilarious, messy, good fun.

Damn fine movie... Lance Rulz!

[Dawnstar]

I want to comment but it is way too girlie. Lets just say I love the chick flicks.

- is a chick spikey

[doc]

I love movies so I watch them all, except the Drek on Lifetime.

[Xavier Lang]

Near Dark, midwestern vampires. Panned, loved it personally.

"Just how old are you anyway?"
"Let's put it this way: I fought for the South. We lost."

Great flick.

"Hey, Jesse, remember that fire we set in Chicago?"

Hilarious, messy, good fun.

Yes! Near Dark is a great movie.

Nothing quite like coughing up a bullet you were shot with and giving it back to the person.

[Northcott]

Near Dark, midwestern vampires. Panned, loved it personally.

I had completely forgotten about that one. :) Man, that's a great flick.

[TiQuinn]

13th Warrior
Fucking loved it. The viking chieftain/Beowulf? Awesome. My favourite character in the flick. The smaller viking who was the Arab's closest friend reminded me an awful lot of an old friend of mine.

Pulp Movies: The Rocketeer, The Phantom, The Shadow
Fucking love 'em. Love 'em all! Other people find them mediocre or even hate them -- I fucking love 'em. Now if somebody would just do a proper Tarzan flick, actually getting it fucking right for once, I'd be in 7th Heaven.

Damn right. I just wish the ending of 13th Warrior was a little bit better, but that was a fine movie all in all, completely undeserving of the trashing it got. As for the others, I liked them for what they were and the era they depicted.

[Varaj]

I love bad movies; so many out there, so little time.

[Scarbonac]

Has anyone else seen Forbidden Zone?

Hervé Villechaize as the King of the Sixth Dimension? Danny Elfman as Satan? Music by The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo?

"The Queen promised to ream us with twenty inch cattle prods, and I'm still waiting! "

[ColonelHardisson]

Near Dark, midwestern vampires.

Oklahoma vampires, actually. Good movie, not crappy at all, really, except the end.

[Droid101]

Dude, Where's My Car?

Two super-hot chicks, and a lot of stupid gags. I like that movie!

[Enk]

Has anyone else seen Forbidden Zone?

Hervé Villechaize as the King of the Sixth Dimension? Danny Elfman as Satan? Music by The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo?

"The Queen promised to ream us with twenty inch cattle prods, and I'm still waiting! "

Going down, down, down, to the Forbidden Zone;
Going down, down, down, to the Forbidden Zone

Except for the so-bad-its-good "Bim Bam Boom" scene, that movie was physically painful to watch.

[shabois]

I want to say Hellraiser III? I think that is the one set in the future where they travel back in the past to encounter the Maquis de Sade? That was crappy good!

Also Waxworks! Terrible goodness!

[Glass]

I want to say Hellraiser III? I think that is the one set in the future where they travel back in the past to encounter the Maquis de Sade? That was crappy good!

Also Waxworks! Terrible goodness!
That was actually number 4, Inferno. 3 still isn't great, though; it's the one with the nightclub, it's pretty contrived, and it has the crappy pseudo-Cenobites and turns Pinhead into a Freddy Krueger rip-off with the one-liners.

[Hatter]

Remo Williams!

[TiQuinn]

Remo Williams!

Chuin kicks ass! :D

[Dacke]

AND he can run very fast.

[shabois]

That was actually number 4, Inferno. 3 still isn't great, though; it's the one with the nightclub, it's pretty contrived, and it has the crappy pseudo-Cenobites and turns Pinhead into a Freddy Krueger rip-off with the one-liners.

Thanks for the Hellraiser knowledge. Its hard to keep them straight! What I love about Remo Williams is the subtitle the Adventure Begins. Like someone actually was arrogant enough to assume this was a new franchise and there would be a bunch of sequels! It only adds to the mystique.

[FeatsofClay]

Thanks for the Hellraiser knowledge. Its hard to keep them straight! What I love about Remo Williams is the subtitle the Adventure Begins. Like someone actually was arrogant enough to assume this was a new franchise and there would be a bunch of sequels! It only adds to the mystique.

I think the pulp novels it is based on printed over 100 stories...Looking now I think it is around 130. My brother loves them. :D

[mollygrue]

Remo!