How long is long enough

[FeatsofClay]

As many of you know, I am divorcing.

We have been seperated for about two months. We should be divorced by the end of September at the latest.

Now, rumors are flying everywhere about all the women I am having sex with. This would be funnier if it wouldn't take a whole can of pledge to get the dust of my dick where it hasn't been used in so long.

I was loyal to my wife during our entire marriage. I only had sex with others in instances where she was in the room, participatory and approving. Rumors flew then too. (she knew better)

But, two months into sleeping alone I am wanting to do something about it. But the question arises: How long is long enough?

I have had a few women go a little crazy on me as they seemed to think they were all lined up to be the next Mrs. Potter. Odd, hearing about how folks have "waited" for you when you were married, but folks have always seemed odd to me. AND there are the ladies who have emailed me nude or semi-nude photos who I have no interest in.

Add to this that I live in a SMALL town and have a very public job. Can't shit in the morning that everyone doesn't know what color it was by lunch.

So, how long would be long enough for you to go looking for a partner, sexual or romantic? I don't think I could necessarily handle a romantic partner now, but it remains a valid question and part of the equation.

Looking here- http://www.kaytastrophe.com/vb/showpost.php?p=5912&postcount=18 you can notice that while I am not going to be invited to model anytime soon I am also not a freak of nature. On the other hand I think my real-world personality can be a bit much for most (ask those here who have met me).

I wasn't good at the field last time I was single and now I am pushing 40 so I am even more confused. Any input?

[Limper]

1) Sorry to hear about the split... that sucks.

2) At your current age you know what you want more than you did before and you know your limitations... once you get over the initial shock of getting back in the pool I'd imagine you'll have littel trouble.

Its amazing what realistic expectations can do for you.

Best of luck but I'm sure you don't need it.

[EhtoZed]

What advice do you need? If you have women sending you nude pics and telling you they've been waiting for you the only question seems to be which one to bend over first.

[TiQuinn]

But, two months into sleeping alone I am wanting to do something about it. But the question arises: How long is long enough?

IMO, you're seperated, the divorce is all but finalized, and you sound like you're ready to get back out there. There's no other reason to wait.

[Droid101]

Add to this that I live in a SMALL town and have a very public job. Can't shit in the morning that everyone doesn't know what color it was by lunch.


Honest advice? Move.

[strawberry]

Well if rumors are already flying, it hardly seems like it matters what you do. Rumors will continue to fly no matter what you do from here on out, so you might as well do what you want.

[Space Cadet B^3]

How far are you away from getting your papers? I think if you're expecting them in a month, you should be safe to go, but if you're a ways off, with the way small towns go, you might want to play it safe.

Small town rep can mess with one's livelihood.

I feel your angst though, it's been around 2 years since my dick's been dusted. ;)

[Limper]

Rumors are the best marketting one can find... run with it.

[Dr_Avalanche]

She's not dead, you're divorcing. I'd say wait until the papers are clear. After that I don't see why you should have any reason to wait if you find someone of interest.

[Atropine Mama]

Honestly, I'd wait until the papers clear for two reasons:

One, respect for your ex. She may not be your wife anymore but you can still treat her respectfully.

Two, rumors can't be proven in court but infidelity possibly can, and a judge usually doesn't figure that favorably into any judgement he may have to have between you two.

[Space Cadet B^3]

One thing to keep in mind, at least in my case, the papers were done like a month before they came in the mail, so you could just check with the attorney or clerk to see your status, and therefore c.y.a.

[Badwednesday]

Honestly, I'd wait until the papers clear for two reasons:

One, respect for your ex. She may not be your wife anymore but you can still treat her respectfully.

Two, rumors can't be proven in court but infidelity possibly can, and a judge usually doesn't figure that favorably into any judgement he may have to have between you two.

Going to second that one, if nothing else to cover your own butt.

[doc]

Here's some advice for you from someone thats gone thru it.


As soon as the papers are signed go out and mingle, let it be known your free
A female that wasn't part of y'alls circle is best, otherwise people will assume she was there during the marriage
Travel a little to get away from the home fires, less talk and she won't know the Ex.
Never date a woman crazier then you.
No Ex Sex

[Pigs in Space]

Q: How long is long enough?
A: How Blue are your Balls?

[Hastur T. Fannon]

I understand that breadth is more important than length and that the vagina only has "pressure sensors" for the first couple of inches

Oh, sorry. Wrong thread

[doc]

It ain't how big the oar but how you row

[Brynja]

What bella said.

Also-

a divorce is a break up- you should take time to yourself to get your head together and find yourself in a nice space.

Dont date cause you are lonely and the bed is empty.

[doc]

Bryna don't turn GG on me but, we're guys and it's hardwirded that we need to breed (yes we're ARE dogs), and others just like to have a warm, friendly human female bed companion.

[Brynja]

Thats fine, but men are reasoning and thinking memebers of the human race. I would like to think Clay can think past his cock. You aren not all rabid salivating idiots out for pussy.

[doc]

Thank you, as far as Clay is concerned ~shrug~. I can only tell you (clay) what I did after my divorce, went to a few bars alone and with co-workers (male) doing so opened up my social contacts of people that otherwise I wouldn't have known. Had a few horrible blind dates arranged by "friends" (wonder sometimes) and my SIL, had the good fortune of meeting a few lesbian gamers (since moved) who clued me into thier stright "older" :rolleyes: friends, where I meet THIER friends. Get the idea ? You got to get out there and meet and greet, take a swing or twenty (or hundred), not every time will be a homer but a ground ball or a single will get you motavated for the next time at bat, so what if you fan it's practice. And when you got it right, that one perfect pitch will put one out of the park and the pitcher will come back for another go or three.

[obryn]

Here's some advice for you from someone thats gone thru it.


A female that wasn't part of y'alls circle is best, otherwise people will assume she was there during the marriage

...Doc?

Why did you underline "female"?

-O

[Ergeheilalt]

...Doc?

Why did you underline "female"?

-O

He's an artist. You never know. ;)

[shabois]

I concur with the others wait tell everything is final then do your thing. Clearly you have options but if your not interested in the women who are interested in you, then your probably going to have to travel out of town and see what is out there. But once it is offical don't worry about the rumors, fuck them! The people that are your real friends will know the truth and support you. The rest you can't control.

[SHARK]

Greetings!

Damn, my friend. I feel for ya. Getting divorced is fucking no fun. However, I'd say take command. Start dating. *Now* No, it doesn't mean you are ready for a whole "lovey-fucking dovey forever and ever" bullshit. It just means dating. Hanging out, going to movies, having dinner.

and fucking. Lots of fucking. If the fucking isn't good, if she's not giving head enough, if she's got a headache, if she's got something better to do--

Tell her to hit the fucking door. Replace her *snap* just like that. As far as dating goes, just kimp in and do it! You're not getting married again anytime soon. Plus, you will feel like a made man having MULTIPLE women fuck you silly, and claw and scratch to get your attention! After getting ass-fucked in your divorce, the knowledge and experience of having MANY DIFFERENT women all fucking you like crazy will make you feel a whole lot better.

Trust me, it won't make all the pain go away, and it won't "fix" whatever problems you had in your marriage--but it will make you feel better; it will make you feel less lonely; it will boost your confidence; it will act as a counter to the fucking ego-rejection ass-fucking your getting from your ex-wife, and making you feel rejected, and like a failure. It will help with all of these things--AND--it will allow you to sharpen your game being a single man again, and help you to clarify what the fuck you will accept in a relationship, and what you won't. Furthermore, it will harden you, and give you good practice in kicking unsuitable women to the curb.

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

[mollygrue]

been divorced twice--both times i initiated it. both times were right thing to do--but it still hurts like hell.

if you are walking wounded--get first aide. spend time with friends, get yourself nurtured, flirt with the cashier or the waitress so you get that nice warm feeling one has a when a passing stranger smiles "that way'do nice things for yourself --pamper and indulge in little ways. it helps.


when you start dating-- the rule of thumb round here is--they need to be at least 2 counties away. keeps the complications and the gossip down to a minimum. later, you can try blind dates, dating sites, friends of friends--you just gotta get back in the game and get out there and mix it up.

but until then..

practice good birth control methods and safer sex practices--and do as you damn well please.

you need somebody warm in your bed? i tell you for a fact there is somone who would be more than happy to come over and share your company--no strings attached. find somebody whos company you enjoy--as a friend--and spend time with them while you are healing--cause we alll need someone to talk to. find a friend who can be a cuddle buddy--"touch therapy" is a valid medical practice--people who go without human contact will suffer physical and emotional duress. read Immana Vanzandts "between times" book--about the wide variety of relationships we may have which are not meant to be forever--different stages of our lives have different needs.

all of the above posts have good advice--some a bit harsh--but alll have the same goal. Life goes on --dont look back because you aiint going that way--get out there and LIVE

[Space Cadet B^3]

I look at this thread and it's like looking at history. Finally I'm in a place where I really want to meet women, and feel like just maybe this time I can "spine up" for the task, but I'm going to have to go someplace different to do it, none of the usual haunts has much to offer me in this regard.

I actually learned something from a silly reality show my roommate Jenny was watching called "The pickup artist" (or something like that) that you need an opening to start the conversation. So now I'm a little better equipped, but just need a pond with some fish in it! ;)

[mollygrue]

qr--this is one thing i know fm experience--all ponds have fish in em--but just like in real ponds and lakes and oceans--fish dont always look like fish. they may disguised as plants, or other creatures entirely--all part of our sytem of natural defences. you just have to pay attention.

and of course--sport fishin is fun too--catch'em admire em and throw em back in the water--you dont always have to take em home with you--just be honest and play nice. ( i am sure you do qr)

ps. stepdad picked up mom with the 'whats a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" line and their love affair lasted till he died 17 yrs. later.

[FeatsofClay]

you need somebody warm in your bed? i tell you for a fact there is somone who would be more than happy to come over and share your company--no strings attached.

Oh, the sarcasm could almost boil over in me.

:D

[mollygrue]

thot the pun might be a bit too subtle. seriously tho--there are plenty of female people out there who have the same needs and desires for physical contact, for emotional support, for fun , for friendship that you guys do.

you guys here already have an edge in the dating world--you have had long term exposure to strong, competant, intelligent women..unlike a lot of guys out there you can think of "her" as a person and not only as a "girl".

[doc]

...Doc?

Why did you underline "female"?

-O

He does live in West Virgina :rolleyes: yuo never know up there.....

[shabois]

Well it would not be a decent thread if Shark didn't mention fucking...:D

[Black Angel]

I thought from the title this was going to be a thread about penis length. :(

[FeatsofClay]

I thought from the title this was going to be a thread about penis length. :(

You can answer the thread title question any way you want. :)

[Dr. Cherry Gunn]

If you move to France, you don't have to hide your mistresses.

[Pigs in Space]

I thought from the title this was going to be a thread about penis length. :(

It kinda is...

[Dawnstar]

I know that pretty much everyone has said what I wanted to say but I will say it again. :)

I completely agree with letting yourself have some time to "get over it" because it is a break up and once you find out the divorce is final you may in fact realize how much it hurts (if you have not already). So do not rush it. Just start going out with friends and talking to people. Meeting people is good and just go out and have fun. Do not go out looking for dates yet. Just meet people and then eventually you will meet someone you would like to date. make sure not to push it. because you do not want to hurt someone else.

I am sorry to hear about your split.

[doc]

Well whatever you do don't wallow in self pity

[Kyllikki]

Not that you care what i think but...

Find out what your state says about sex during the legal separation and pre-divorce phase. My state had/has no legal separation. And since we filed a no-fault divorce, infidelity/adultery had no bearing. Had it been a fault divorce things would have been different.

Anyway, i had my first date in October, having moved out in August. We had been sleeping separately for 2 months prior to that.

Hope that helps.

[TiQuinn]

He does live in West Virgina :rolleyes: yuo never know up there.....

Says the guy from Arkansas! :p

[doc]

Least we're into female cousins !

[NRG]

Well it would not be a decent thread if Shark didn't mention fucking...:D

As a Marine, he has to keep the rifle/gun distinction in the forefront of his mind to avoid confusion. . .

In my experience, a smart, employed, decent-looking 40-year-old guy is a catch for a lot of women. This has come as a surprise to more than one guy I know who's ended up single at this point in his life. You will find women your own age less shy than they were back when they (and you) were 20.

The whole small town deal is going to be a pain in your ass, however. If there's a decent-sized city anywhere nearby, take your dates there, unless you don't mind gossip. Actually, there will be gossip either way, but maybe less if you go out elsewhere.

NRG