Conversations with children (ongoing) [Archive] - Kay Tastrophe's Military School

Name Lips

04-14-2008, 06:10 PM

Me: See that roast? It's a piece of PIG!

Son(6): (condescendingly) You're weird.
-------------

Son(6): When I'm grown up, I'm going to make a potion. If people drink it, they get younger and live forever. But if you fast-forward to the end of the world, all the people who drank my potion will turn into zombies.

-------------

(from my childhood)

My Brother(7): The crab smells good! It smells like people!

Lady Fury

04-15-2008, 01:11 AM

:lol: Ah to be young and have all sorts of thoughts about things that you'll one day find out not to be true.

Oh this reminds me of what my 6yr old told me on Saturday.

6yr old daughter: Mom do you know how baby horses are made?

Me: Yes but you tell me how you think they are made.

6yr old: The mommy and daddy horse put their peepee's together and that's how a baby horse is made.:shock:

I asked her who told her that and she said that her girlfriend told her. But she said that they didn't know how babies were made. She said no one in her class knows. Then she asked me if I knew. I said nope. I haven't figured that out yet. :lol:

I'm not ready for the "sex talk" yet. :o

Name Lips

04-15-2008, 07:56 AM

ooooo, the Big Secret. That a man puts his penis inside a woman to make babies.

It's a little underwhelming when you think about it. :D

Dawnstar

04-15-2008, 08:47 AM

Here is something that my son said to my friend when she came up to visit.

My son (4 1/2) - are you leaving?
my friend - Yep
my son (4 1/2)- good because you are not a part of my family

My friend was not upset with this but thought he was really smart.

Varaj

04-15-2008, 08:49 AM

Dawnstar

04-15-2008, 09:01 AM

Son: What are we eating?
Me: Your brother.
Son: No we aren't he is over there.
Me: Your other brother.
Son: I don't have another brother.
Me: Not any more, he got in trouble so we made him into food.
Son: I think you are lying. It is chicken.
Me: If you knew why are you asking?

My son asks me questions all the time and when I answer him he will say "no it is ________" so I end up saying "if you knew the answer why did you even answer me". Or "if you thought you knew the answer and do not want to hear the real answer, why do you ask?"

Name Lips

04-15-2008, 10:07 AM

Daughter(3): If I'm good at the store, can I have a candy?
Me: Maybe. (in my mind: probably, but I don't want to bribe her with candy...)
Daughter(3): (not to be fooled) I will be very good in the store. And I WILL get candy.
Me: Probably.
(at the store)
Daughter(3): I'm being good, right? I'm gonna get candy, right? I'm being very good so I can get candy. I'm sitting still and not touching anything. Owen's not being good is he? (Yes he is) Oh. But he doesn't get candy, right? Only me, right? 'Cause he's just a baby. And I'm being very good so I can get candy. I like candy. Candy is my favorite food. I want candy for lunch. Are we getting the candy now? I'm being good, right? I like chocolate candy. When I get home I'm going to share my chocolate candy with Mommy and Galen. I'm gonna get candy, right? Candy is delicious. I'm being good, right? I'm gonna get candy!

And so on. And so on. The entire time we're at the store. The thing is I'm not entirely sure she can concentrate on being good and getting candy (maybe! MAYBE!) without a constant monologue. It's how she remembers.

But other than the monologue, she was being very good.

She didn't pick chocolate.

Dawnstar

04-15-2008, 12:54 PM

Here is one

My almost 5 year old son said to me today

"mommy you are destroying my life" just because I told him he could not do something he wanted to do.

FeatsofClay

04-15-2008, 01:15 PM

Here is one

My almost 5 year old son said to me today

"mommy you are destroying my life" just because I told him he could not do something he wanted to do.

Fly? Boil and eat the neighbors pets? Boil and eat the neighbors? Go outside wiht no socks? :tongue:

Name Lips

04-15-2008, 01:33 PM

Here is one

My almost 5 year old son said to me today

"mommy you are destroying my life" just because I told him he could not do something he wanted to do.

I usually just get told that I'm "a mean daddy and the worst daddy in the world."

Lady Fury

04-15-2008, 02:27 PM

Oh I get the destroying my life thing too as well as the "I hate you. And I want a new mommy" kind of phrases. One day I said ok you can have a new mommy. I walked out the door and they all freaked out and said they were just kidding. I said you shouldn't kid about things like that. I haven't heard that phrase since.:tongue:

Pigs in Space

04-15-2008, 07:56 PM

Me: Be careful with those matches.
Son: Matches make fire!
Me: Yep, and what do we do with matches?
Son: Burn them. Burn them all.
Me: That's right son.

Name Lips

04-15-2008, 08:02 PM

Daughter(3): I want to wear a dress!
Mom: OK, go put one on.
Daughter(3): (genuinely confused) Why?

Name Lips

04-16-2008, 04:02 PM

The opening on the back of Mr. Potato Head was open, and my son casually sticks in his foot as much as it would fit. Then he puts his weight on it, and yelps and falls over.

Me: So I guess sticking your foot in Mr. Potato head isn't a very good idea.
son(6): (nursing his foot) This is all because of YOU daddy!

Dawnstar

04-16-2008, 04:16 PM

FeatsofClay

04-18-2008, 11:44 AM

I have been told I make some funny faces when I work. My ex always (kiddingly, not being bitter here) mocked me for being a mouth breather when I worked. Mouth wide open and the thousand mile stare at what I am doing.

Demonstrating for kids last year I was throwing and one kid at the Montessori pre-school I was at stands up, walks over, tugs my arm and says "You need to really close your mouth cause you might drool in front of everyone."

Emberassingly enough. I have done this.

Ink Bleeder

04-18-2008, 04:21 PM

Name Lips

04-18-2008, 04:36 PM

I don't think he meant it as mean as it sounded. Kids have no comprehension of the meaning behind their words, really. Who knows where he heard it? As a comedic line in some random sitcom? From a kid at the park? Kids just parrot the sentences they hear when something comes up that they think matches the situation. :)

Cat of Ulthar

04-18-2008, 09:17 PM

Little boy called Narwaan, who served as our guide in Bayt al-Faqih market, to me, whilst we were drinking juice:

"Why don't you wax your moustache?"

:shock:

Lady Fury

04-18-2008, 09:43 PM

Did you tell him that cats don't wax?

Cat of Ulthar

04-18-2008, 10:01 PM

Darn, good point.:lol:

Of course all Yemeni women he sees wax all their hairs, I have tiny blonde little hairs so find it not necessary, but I just loved the childish innocense with which he wondered.

Lady Fury

04-19-2008, 09:01 PM

4yr old daughter: Help me tie the balloons around the kitty.

NZ: 4 balloons isn't enough.

4yr old: Can we still try.:shock:

Edit: A kitten has just came running into my room with a helium balloon tied around his tail.

Edit 2: Make that 2 helium balloons. :shock:

Name Lips

04-25-2008, 04:19 PM

When picking up my son from school, seeing he was still munching on his snack, a piece of beef jerky, I looked in the bag to see what else was left.

Me: Hey, how did you get goldfish and grapes in your snack?
Son(6): I traded my beef jerky to Mason for them.
Me: But you're your beef jerky right now.
Son(6): Oh, I got this one from Logan.
Me: What?
Son(6): (exasperated) I traded my beef jerky to Mason for goldfish and grapes. Logan had two beef jerkys, so I asked him because I don't have ANY beef jerky, could he share one of his with me. And he said OK.

Black Angel

04-25-2008, 08:42 PM

Goldfish?!?!? WTF do they feed children these days?

Atropine Mama

04-25-2008, 09:49 PM

Goldfish?!?!? WTF do they feed children these days?

Dude, Steve Irwin tried to feed his kid to a crocodile. Don't give us any shit for sliding a few pieces of pre-sushi to our kids. :what:

Name Lips

04-26-2008, 11:21 AM

They're the snack that smiles back, until you bite their head off!

Yes, that's the jingle they play for them on TV. :D

Pigs in Space

04-27-2008, 12:42 AM

I don't understand.

How do you guys feed your crododiles?

The Winslow

04-27-2008, 08:17 AM

Name Lips

05-08-2008, 08:23 AM

Son(6): I'm having a little trouble with algebra. (he's sounding really worried)
Me: Don't worry, I don't think most kids learn algebra until at least the second grade.

Limper

05-08-2008, 08:28 AM

Son 3: "Dad, cows love bacon."

Pigs in Space

05-08-2008, 09:12 PM

Son: Daaaad, there's this bully at school who -
Me: So fight him.
Son: But Daaaaaaaad, he's bigger and -
Me: Shut up kid, just hit him with a rock or something when he's not looking. The fastest way to losing a fight is not throwing the first punch.

Name Lips

07-08-2008, 01:19 PM

At lunchtime...
Son(6): From now on, I'm going to call you "waiter"
Me: Not if you want me to get you anything you're not.

Varaj

07-08-2008, 01:23 PM

over heard
Daughter to son: "You can't say jackass"
son to daughter: "Why not? Your being a jackass to my Master Chief"

Teve

07-08-2008, 01:49 PM

Over heard

Deathe's son: whats for dinner
Deathe: a spankin
Deathes son: Daddy, I don't like spankins for dinner

(I still think this is so darn cute)

Lady Fury

07-08-2008, 02:01 PM

I want to have dinner with Bella and Deathe.:D

FeatsofClay

07-08-2008, 02:30 PM

I want to have dinner with Bella and Deathe.:D

We do spankings near dinner too. But no kids. :)

Lady Fury

07-08-2008, 03:39 PM

We do spankings near dinner too. But no kids. :)

http://www.happyordnance.com./images/smilies/writer.gifNote to self: Plan road trip past FoC and NN place as well.

Lady Fury

07-10-2008, 07:03 PM

Me to 3yr old daughter: I love you.

3yr old: I know because I'm cute!

Me :shock:

Name Lips

07-10-2008, 07:09 PM

My 4 year old daughter has hatched a plan. She wants to be a princess when she grows up, right? But she's not going to settle for this "you're MY little princess" stuff. Nope, she says to be a princess she needs to find a prince and marry him.

My 6 year old wants to be an entrepreneur. Well, he says "inventor" but he's constantly hatching plans to invent new things and market them.

Cat of Ulthar

07-10-2008, 07:24 PM

Me to 3yr old daughter: I love you.

3yr old: I know because I'm cute!

Me :shock:

:rotfl:

Naked Nape

07-11-2008, 07:31 AM

http://www.happyordnance.com./images/smilies/writer.gifNote to self: Plan road trip past FoC and NN place as well.

Just remember...the cat-of-nine-tails goes to the right of the salad fork. :)

Caliphis

07-11-2008, 12:00 PM

many of you know the ongoing problems i have with my ex-wife, so here is a fun story from last year.

My ex was picking up the kids to take them to her house for the weekend. The second she walks through the door my daughter starts crying and saying "I don't want to go with mommy. I want to stay here with daddy." She and I talk and give each other hugs and I carry her outside to the exes car while the ex carries my son. she puts my son in the car and buckles him up then goes and sits down in the drivers seat.

by this time i am holding my daughters hand and we are by her door into the car. she is still crying and saying she wants to stay. after a few min the ex gets tired of waiting on my daughter and with me consoling her so she says "Look, i am fed up with this. Alex get in the car right now or i am leaving without you." my daughter looks a little shocked at that, gives me a hug and walks over to her door. Then she closes it, closes the drivers side door, says "bye mommy" and starts walking onto the porch.

the ex freaked out and it took me a while to get everyone calmed down, but eventually i got my daughter into the car and my ex on her way.

Name Lips

08-03-2008, 11:06 AM

It's Sunday morning, and Emerald and I are asleep.

Slowly, on the edge of our consciousness, we start hearing: "beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep. beep..."

This continues for a few minutes, as we slowly gather our wits about us.

"Brianna," asks my wife, addressing our 4 year old daughter, "Are you pretending to be an alarm clock?"

giggle. "beep. beep. beep. beep. beep." giggle "No, I AM an alarm clock!"

I tried tapping her on the head to snooze her but it didn't work. :tongue:

Sobek

08-03-2008, 11:32 AM

How did I miss this thread?
Me: See that roast? It's a piece of PIG!
I started this conversation with my (then) 4 year old last summer. Shortly thereafter, we went to a nearby park, which has a kids' zoo. It's pretty much just farm animals. She saw a chicken and said, "Daddy, I want to eat that one. Can we take it home?"

Having cleaned a fair number of chickens in my time, I explained the process to her in some detail. Then I asked her if she still wanted to take it home and eat it. She said "yes".

This summer, she was asking about the other animals there and we learned about mutton, pork, and beef. When we left the zoo last time, she said, "Bye-bye, bratwurst" to the pig. Bratwurst is probably her favorite food, so that's why it stuck.

My kids are PETA-proof.

Name Lips

10-23-2008, 09:50 AM

Conversation between my daughter (4) and my wife.

Daughter: When I grow up I'm going to get married.
Wife: OK.
Daughter (worried): But who will I get married to?
Wife: You'll have to meet somebody and decide you want to marry them.
Daughter: But it has to be a boy, right?
Wife: Well, no, some girls marry other girls.
Daughter (squee!): And we could BOTH have pretty dresses!!!!?

Limper

10-29-2008, 07:11 AM

Every night now my son and I discuss what we did today... of course we are both fighting monsters every day so we discuss what monsters we've fought and try and out silly each other.

Limper

11-11-2008, 09:17 AM

My son ran up to my wife placed his hands on his hips thrust his chin forward in a challenging stace and said...

"I've come to fight you in the name of God!"

Catholic school strikes again.

Dacke

11-11-2008, 09:50 AM

My son ran up to my wife placed his hands on his hips thrust his chin forward in a challenging stace and said...

"I've come to fight you in the name of God!"
Reminds me of Peter Jackson's true masterpiece.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfkHkdu5IEI

Limper

11-14-2008, 06:14 AM

Yesterday was my boys first time having the shits... had to rush to the sitter and pick him up so I could spend an afternoon with him in the c5rapper.

He looks over at me from his throne with tears in his eyes and says...

"Daddy... I don't want to poop no more."

Name Lips

02-02-2009, 09:57 PM

Lady Fury

02-02-2009, 11:36 PM

With my 4 year old daughter:

Why are you smelling your panties?
(looking greatly offended) I'm NOT! (pause) I'm wiping my lips with them.
OK... Why are you wiping your lips with them?
Because there is juice on my lips.

Ewww! :heh: Be thankful it was underwear and not a diaper. One of my daughters loved to wear diapers on her head. :grey:

Caliphis

02-03-2009, 10:38 AM

Soiled or not?

Brynja

02-03-2009, 11:59 AM

My son ran up to my wife placed his hands on his hips thrust his chin forward in a challenging stace and said...

"I've come to fight you in the name of God!"

Catholic school strikes again.

http://luciferknight.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/spanish_inquisition.jpg

Limper

02-06-2009, 06:50 AM

"Daddy... tell me about your day."

"Well I went to work..." immediate interruption.

"No daddy your work is boring make something up."

Bagpuss

02-06-2009, 07:09 AM

I was talking about getting my wife a present for Valentine's day, my Son (5) asked why.

Me: On Valentine's Day you give a gift to a lady you love. Do you love a any ladies?
Son: Ama (that's Mum in Basque).

Normally he goes on to list Nanny, and his cousins and Auntie and other female members of his family, but this time he seems realise it's not to same sort of love mum's and dad's share.

Son: And Megan ****** (Surname removed to protect the innocent, a girl in his class), but only after we are married.

:shock:

Cat of Ulthar

02-06-2009, 08:35 AM

Me: Be careful with those matches.
Son: Matches make fire!
Me: Yep, and what do we do with matches?
Son: Burn them. Burn them all.
Me: That's right son.
:what:You don't have any kids, surely?
Every night now my son and I discuss what we did today... of course we are both fighting monsters every day so we discuss what monsters we've fought and try and out silly each other.

"Daddy... tell me about your day."

"Well I went to work..." immediate interruption.

"No daddy your work is boring make something up."
There you go. Your own fault.
I was talking about getting my wife a present for Valentine's day, my Son (5) asked why.

Me: On Valentine's Day you give a gift to a lady you love. Do you love a any ladies?
Son: Ama (that's Mum in Basque).

Normally he goes on to list Nanny, and his cousins and Auntie and other female members of his family, but this time he seems realise it's not to same sort of love mum's and dad's share.

Son: And Megan ****** (Surname removed to protect the innocent, a girl in his class), but only after we are married.

:shock:
Why does your son speak Basque?

I did a talk at my sister's school once (she is a teacher) about witchcraft. One of the kids had a question: "Miss, you just said that you can't see it when someone is a witch, that they look just like normal people. But surely normal people don't dress like you?"
:shock:
I was wearing my normal clothes! That I taught in! Granted, it was a purple skirt and shirt, but still...

Name Lips

02-06-2009, 08:59 AM

But surely normal people don't dress like you?"

:lol:

Pigs in Space

02-06-2009, 05:06 PM

:what:You don't have any kids, surely?
I'm not sure, it's pretty fucking busy around here, I must have fathered some of them.

I should probably have asked BA about it a while back, but I figured it was easier to buy a combination lock for the fridge and carry a taser.

Bagpuss

02-07-2009, 03:40 AM

Why does your son speak Basque?

Because my Wife is Spanish from the Basque region of Spain, although she doesn't speak it herself, her family use the Basque terms for mum (Ama), dad (Ita), grandmother (Amona). My wife's Amona does speak Basque as that is here heritage.

Kastil

02-10-2009, 10:26 PM

My son(14) the day after the inaugration:

"Where's the change? I don't feel any different."

Name Lips

02-11-2009, 08:19 PM

I know it's wrong to make fun of my daughter's enunciation problem.

But when she asks for "carmel pop-porn" it's hard not to laugh. :tongue:

Cat of Ulthar

04-15-2009, 12:01 PM

We were visiting friends over Easter who have two daughters, aged 9 and 11. When I visited them eight years ago I brought them a Miffy book in Dutch, and they still had it, and asked me to read to them.

The nine-year old listened to me emitting odd sounds for a bit, then asked me "So you are from... Dutch?"
I explained "I am from the Netherlands, and speak Dutch."
"So you don't speak English?"
:grey: "No, not a word."

She explained though: "No, I meant, did you have to learn English?"
I said "Yes, I learned English at school."
"Why?"
Her sister interrupted impatiently: "So she could speak with us, of course!"

Name Lips

12-02-2009, 07:33 PM

My youngest son (2, will be 3 in January) was explaining to me about his imaginary grandma.

"She's blue. And she wears pirate boots like me (he calls his brown boots pirate boots). She makes me cookies. I watch movies at her house."

My oldest son (8 in a few days) chipped in with his imaginary friend:

"He's a fire demon. He's red and has a tail. I don't like him - he talks to me when I want to be alone. He is very annoying."

I told him this sounds like an imaginary enemy.

My daughter apparently doesn't have any imaginary friends.

-----

A few months ago I caught my youngest son practicing his tantrums in the mirror before he tried them out on Mommy. He was standing there, examining his expression as he opened his mouth wide and scrunched up his face, and observing the result as he let out an exploratory cry or two.

Droid101

12-02-2009, 07:55 PM

Son(6): When I'm grown up, I'm going to make a potion. If people drink it, they get younger and live forever. But if you fast-forward to the end of the world, all the people who drank my potion will turn into zombies.

Probably already commented on (not gonna read all 8 pages), but your son is an evil genius.

Name Lips

12-02-2009, 08:02 PM

Probably already commented on (not gonna read all 8 pages), but your son is an evil genius.

I do my best. :D

He's also obsessed with math and money. It's a scary combination that makes me think he's going to be an investment banker when he grows up.

Yeah... evil genius.

Dawnstar

12-03-2009, 03:22 PM

-----

A few months ago I caught my youngest son practicing his tantrums in the mirror before he tried them out on Mommy. He was standing there, examining his expression as he opened his mouth wide and scrunched up his face, and observing the result as he let out an exploratory cry or two.

Practicing tantrums? This is a first.

doc

12-03-2009, 04:52 PM

Tweens are weird, my 12 year old was telling me about two of her friends Steven and Stephie. seems Steven liked Stephie but was to shy to talk to her. I asked her what happened and LB said she told Steven that if he didn't start talking to Stephie shel'd hit him, my child Match Maker

Caliphis

12-03-2009, 04:57 PM

I do my best. :D

He's also obsessed with math and money. It's a scary combination that makes me think he's going to be an investment banker when he grows up.

Yeah... evil genius.

an evangelical christian investment banker evil genius.

Pigs in Space

12-03-2009, 05:37 PM

My oldest son (8 in a few days) chipped in with his imaginary friend:

"He's a fire demon. He's red and has a tail. I don't like him - he talks to me when I want to be alone. He is very annoying."

So... your son sees the devil?

Name Lips

12-03-2009, 06:28 PM

When I questioned him further he said that it was the warlock's imp from World of Warcraft.

Brynja

12-03-2009, 06:37 PM

That isn't reassuring either.

AriesOmega

12-03-2009, 10:36 PM

May daughter who is 7 sometimes is hard to wake up. A few days ago didn't want to get up and get ready for school. I come in a second time

"Wake up lazy bones! Time to get up my little bunny monkey" (long story on the name). It's a new day." I then proceed to poke her and make her giggle

"Daaad! Nooooo! I am tired!" She rolls over and covers her ribs to prevent me from poke tickling her.

"Jaelin...wake up...(in a growl) or I am going to eat little pink, bunny monkey girl! Muhahahaha!" I raise my hands like a monster and do the Jaws "duna, duna, duna" as I creep to her bed like some kind of predator.

"FINE DAD! Just put me back in bed when you have ate your fill...I am tired".

So...I proceed to pounce on her...pick her up tickle her, mock eat her like a cartoon monster and go "nom, nom, nom, nom...mmmmm tasty bunny, nom, nom, nom" she is giggling and calling for help but gets up and later after she is ready for school offers up her arm as a "dessert".

So...is mock cannibalism a bad thing?

Name Lips

12-04-2009, 12:48 PM

My daughter just cut all the Christmas lingerie ladies out of my Maxim magazine and taped them around the house as "decorations."

doc

12-04-2009, 12:52 PM

Sounds better then Christmas cards from people you don't hear from other times of the year

Brynja

12-04-2009, 12:54 PM

Well the male paytriarchy views wymin as ornamentation! So she is ironically fighting the power.

doc

12-04-2009, 12:56 PM

Well the male paytriarchy views wymin as ornamentation! So she is ironically fighting the power.

But thier so nice to look at, and they smell good too

Name Lips

12-04-2009, 12:59 PM

Meanwhile my magazine is full of holes... sigh.

The Winslow

12-04-2009, 01:02 PM

My daughter just cut all the Christmas lingerie ladies out of my Maxim magazine and taped them around the house as "decorations."

Why not? It's not like the Disney-style elfs and fairies that some people do sell as children's christmas decorations are clad with that much more stuff.

Lady Fury

12-04-2009, 01:36 PM

Why not? It's not like the Disney-style elfs and fairies that some people do sell as children's christmas decorations are clad with that much more stuff.

That's so true! I bought one of my daughters a play chest full of Disney princess costumes for Christmas and the outside of the box is decorated with barely there clothing. :grey:

Droid101

12-04-2009, 02:45 PM

That's so true! I bought one of my daughters a play chest full of Disney princess costumes for Christmas and the outside of the box is decorated with barely there clothing. :grey:

Quit being such sexually repressed prudes!

:tongue:

Lady Fury

12-04-2009, 05:28 PM

Me sexually repressed and prude? :lmao: I'd like to keep my girls prude until they are 21 or older. :tongue:

Lady_Acoma

12-04-2009, 08:21 PM

I'm thinking I need to take a tip from your daughter and do the same thing at my house. That is the only kind of Christmas decoration I think I could tolerate.

Ink Bleeder

12-04-2009, 10:51 PM

Meanwhile my magazine is full of holes... sigh.

It's Maxim, right? :rimshot:

Pigs in Space

12-05-2009, 02:54 AM

Well the male paytriarchy views wymin as ornamentation! So she is ironically fighting the power.

Haha, you make it sound like women have feelings and thoughts of their own!

Good one!

doc

12-07-2009, 01:54 PM

While waiting for the elevator a child next to me saw an ad for the Humane Society about "fixing your dog for free", kid asked "What if your dog isn't broken ??? My answer of taking your little brother instead didn't go over very well.

Pigs in Space

12-07-2009, 02:08 PM

doc

12-07-2009, 02:11 PM

It's cute that you are the child in these posts.
I try, his Mom was hot BTW

Lady Fury

12-07-2009, 07:28 PM

Me: We're going to have chocolate creme pie for desert tonight.

6yr old daughter: Desert is boring.

Me: Huh? We never have desert.

6yr old daughter: Well I'm not very much hungry tonight. I mean I don't think I like chocolate pie.

Me: You've never had it before.

6yr old daughter: I don't want pie.

4yr old daughter: Everyone likes pie! Right mom?

8yr old daughter: I don't like pie.

Me: :grey:

I have some strange kids that don't like desserts all that much unless it's fruit snacks. I have a frozen pie that I've been meaning to use and decided this would be a good time to use it. I guess me, Singularity and our youngest 2 kids will be enjoying desert.

Harry

12-07-2009, 07:34 PM

...6yr old daughter: I don't want pie.

4yr old daughter: Everyone likes pie! Right mom?

8yr old daughter: I don't like pie...

:grey: The youngest can still be saved. Get the others committed as soon as you can. Don't want to let that illness spread.

Lady_Acoma

12-07-2009, 08:02 PM

I like pie...

Actually most of the time I am not all that fond of pie, or cake. But the second someone else makes it I am there to eat it too.

cnath.rm

12-07-2009, 08:52 PM

My nephew was probably 3 or so, and when I told him that I loved him, he responded by shrugging and saying "Everybody loves me."

Then there is the nephews father, my brother, who told our mother that he wanted a "boy cheese" sandwich instead of the grilled cheese that she was making us for lunch.

SpikeyFreak

12-07-2009, 08:55 PM

After giving the gift that keeps giving, a hand gun, my friend's brother's daughter asks what it is.

My friends says, "A bubble gum dispenser."

Ha ha, childless people say the darndest things to kids.

--Mixed Up Spikey

AriesOmega

12-07-2009, 08:57 PM

Then there is the nephews father, my brother, who told our mother that he wanted a "boy cheese" sandwich instead of the grilled cheese that she was making us for lunch.

My daughter will get on one side of me and have me in the middle with my wife on the other side, hug her and say really loud "DADDY SMAM-ITCH!" and then make eating "nom, nom, nom" sounds. She also does this to my wife as a Mommy Smam-Itch as well as other members of the family. I do think now she thinks cannibalism is "cute".:D

Lady Fury

12-07-2009, 10:39 PM

So the 6yr old that said she didn't like pie actually tried the pie then proceeded to eat the entire piece. :tongue:

The Winslow

12-07-2009, 11:35 PM

deserts

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/3197/pbf145nunez.jpg (http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF145-Nunez.jpg)

Lady Fury

12-08-2009, 12:30 AM

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/3197/pbf145nunez.jpg (http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF145-Nunez.jpg)

Ah a laugh at my expense. :win:

Bagpuss

12-08-2009, 02:41 PM

We put up our fake Christmas tree while the kids were in bed, the other night (left it for the older one to help decorate the next day).

The youngest 15 months walked into the lounge, and I will do my best to translate his excited noises*.

Surprise appears on his face and he points. "There's a tree in the lounge!"
He looks back at me. "There's a tree in the lounge."
Looks back at the tree, still pointing. "Dad, there is a bloody great TREE in the LOUNGE!"
Looks back at me grabs my trouser leg and pulls me into the lounge. "Why are you not excited?"
Pumps his little chubby arm in and out point excitedly at the tree "Look, look where I'm pointing. A tree has grown in the lounge over night!"
Points at the tree some more "Seriously am I the only person that can see this."
"Oh I give in" We wander into the kitchen for breakfast.

I wish I could be as excited as him about Christmas.

*His vocabulary is limited to:
Bye, bye
Luis, Daddy, Nanny, Mama, Granddad
Night, night
Thank-you (his first words very polite little fella)
All gone.
Oh dear.
Ball.

None of which adequately covered the situation of spontaneous arboreal growth in the living room.

AriesOmega

12-09-2009, 08:48 PM

We put up our fake Christmas tree while the kids were in bed, the other night (left it for the older one to help decorate the next day).

The youngest 15 months walked into the lounge, and I will do my best to translate his excited noises*...

:lol: :awesome: :win:

That is funny. I can totally picture it in my head. That would make a great animated short film I think.

Lady Fury

12-09-2009, 10:37 PM

My 6yr old was singing a song in the car tonight on the way back home that she made up. It went like this: (to the tune of I'm getting nuttin for Christmas)

I'm getting monkeys for Christmas...
Mommy and Daddy are Monks...
I'm getting monkeys for Christmas...
Because I have been nuttin but mad.

We stopped her to ask her if she knew what monks were. She said yep! They're the heads of monkeys. Um.... Big monkey heads. Yep!

I couldn't stop laughing. Darrin then proceeded to tell her what he thought monks were. Then I gave her my definition and now she's really confused. :lol:

Cat of Ulthar

12-11-2009, 10:46 AM

My friend is a nanny for a three year old boy. She got laringytis at the moment so her voice is nearly gone and she wheezes and croaks. After a few hours of this, the boy decided: "I don't like your new voice. You should get your old one back."

Harry

12-11-2009, 09:52 PM

At my store today I noticed a young mother, maybe late twenties, walking around with her little daughter. The girl was no more than four or five. The mom was having trouble holding on to all of her groceries and her little girl all done up in parka and muffs, so I asked her if she needed a buggie. As I asked I noticed that her daughter was holding a single banana up to her right ear, chattering away as if on a telephone. Mother appreciated the help and I fetched her the basket. When I came back, the daughter appeared to be "wrapping up" the conversation on the banana and I wondered to the mom if possibly the call had actually been for her [being cutesy/flirty - I'm not above it]. The mom shook her head and said "No, she's been talking to Santy Claus, I'm sure she's not done yet." And sure enough, the little girl said "Hold on a second! RING RING..." put the banana back up to her ear and said "Hi Santa..."

Lady Fury

12-11-2009, 09:57 PM

Name Lips

12-12-2009, 12:36 AM

That's funny, my kid were talking on bananas the other day too, in the back seat of the car. My son was talking to somebody, I don't know who, and my daughter picked hers up and was pretending to call my son. He got mad and yelled that she can't call him because he didn't give her his number.

The Winslow

12-12-2009, 04:32 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5C6X9vOEkU

Name Lips

12-21-2009, 09:29 PM

My wife was trying to explain to my daughter the Christmas Story -- you know, the old one, with baby Jesus in it.

Emerald: So she was really really pregnant and was looking for a place to have the baby. But the inn was full, and she ended up having the baby in the barn.

Daughter: (gasps with wide-eyed amazement) And it grew up to be SANTA CLAUS????

She found the real version somewhat less exciting. I have to say that her version makes a certain sort of sense, and its sad that Mary didn't give birth to Santa. Or maybe Batman. That would have been awesome.

Name Lips

12-24-2009, 11:06 AM

Son: DAD! GUESS WHAT I'M GOING TO DO AFTER BREAKFAST????
Me: What?
Son: LABEL MY DRAWERS!!!

He's very excited.

Name Lips

12-30-2009, 12:31 PM

My two oldest are having a tea party and discussing What is Wrong with the World.

The Winslow

12-30-2009, 01:33 PM

My two oldest are having a tea party and discussing What is Wrong with the World.

This is a conversation topic that can keep them debating for months without retreading over ground they've already covered.

Name Lips

12-30-2009, 01:35 PM

I think they've concluded it has to do with all the grown-ups.

Schizm

12-30-2009, 01:45 PM

I think they've concluded it has to do with all the grown-ups.

I would say they have it right, but can you imagine a world run by your daughter?

Name Lips

12-30-2009, 01:46 PM

I would say they have it right, but can you imagine a world run by your daughter?

There would be world peace, but it would be very very pink. And all the girls would officially be princesses.

AriesOmega

12-30-2009, 02:03 PM

My daughter, Jaelin is 7 years old and for some reason thinks she is a pink princess...:D...I dunno who could have given her THAT idea:rolleyes:

Jaelin (opening small present to reveal a pink iPod Shuffle): WOW! This is soooo cool! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! (stares at it and says in a low voice) Dad...what is it?

Me: (laughing) What do you think it is?

Jaelin: Umm...a pack of really fancy bubble gum from the Apple store? (shrugs)

Me: (facepalm and laughing) No you silly willy. It's an iPod just for you. It's even pink.

Jaelin: (suprised and excited) Ohhhhh! That...is...even...cooler then bubble gum!

Name Lips

01-21-2010, 09:23 PM

Me: Why are your feet wet?
3-year old son: I washed them.
Me: Were they dirty?
Son: I had to get all the poop off. Now they're clean!
Me: ...
Me: ...Where is the poop? Did you step on it?
Son: No. I pooped in the potty.
Me: ...Then how...
Me: ...

AriesOmega

01-21-2010, 09:26 PM

Name Lips

01-24-2010, 06:46 PM

Same 3 year old (waving a ruler back and forth): Daddy, you are getting sleepy. Very sleepy. You will get out a game for me.
Me: No, I'm not getting sleepy. I'm not getting out a game right now.

(He walks over to mommy)
Son: Mommy... you are getting sleepy... you will get me a...
(Mommy lays her head down on the table and pretends to sleep)
Me: Look what you've done. You put mommy to sleep.
Son: (giggles) Mommy are you asleep? Mommy?
Me: Wake her up! I don't want her to sleep forever!

Son: (grabs mommy's pencil and runs off) OK MOMMY WAKE UP NOW!
Mom: Hey, you took my pencil.
Son: Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (gasp) hahahahahahahahaahaha!

His evil plan was, once again, a success.

AriesOmega

01-24-2010, 10:25 PM

Name Lips your kid is a trip. So cute.

My son is 11. He likes girls but is shy. He has a girlfriend at school and he has told me who he thinks is cute and isn't and thinks a friend of mine is very cute. We also had a convo about breasts and he asked why he suddenly likes them...especially when the friend hugs him and he gets squished by hers. The friend is in her mid-30, a hot blonde, with no BF, never been married or kids. She is close to my wife and I and knows of things, like this this and is a good sport about it. She is like my sister and like an aunt to my kids...so it's all good. Generally I try to be open with my son about life and things so he can come up and ask me anything...like recently "What's that place...Hooter's? Is it an owl, foresty themed restaurant?" :lol::lol:

Anyhow...we had some company over, including said friend. He came down to say good night and this happened.

Hot Blonde Friend (HBF): Oh look at the handsome boy coming downstairs. You must make the girls turn their heads dont'cha? ;)

Son: I dunno. :grey: (blink, blink...smiles embarrassingly as she hugs him good night and gets crushed a bit...smiling like it's Christmas for him.) :o Good night Tammy (giggle)

HBF: Well I think you are cute. If girls at school don't think you are cute they are missing out my friend.

Son: :o:grey::grey: (giggle) :grey:

HBF: I said you I think you are cute...you are SUPPOSE to say "you're cute" or something nice.

Son: :grey::grey::grey::grey::grey:

HBF: (huffs) Okay...fine (huffs)...if I was 25 years younger would you say I was cute and be my boyfriend (batts eyes)?

Son: :grey: No. Not really.

HBF: Why not (fakes being rejected very over dramatically and comically). Am I just too old and ugly for you to even think I was young and pretty once? (oh the drama)

Son: :D :D if you were 25 years younger you'd be like 3.

HBF :boggle: How old do you think I am?

Son: I dunno...you were in college school and all...maybe 28 at the most (shrugs)

HBF: Awwwww you are too sweet. Go to sleep.

Name Lips

01-24-2010, 11:00 PM

Well played, kid!

bunny

01-24-2010, 11:00 PM

Last November I was assisting an Actress and looking after her two LA/Miami kids (6 and 8) while she was on set. I think it mostly had to do with their 16 year old half sister, but these kids were teaching me dirty words! I asked them nicely to watch their language around me because it is disrespectful. They were mostly good about not swearing, although the 6 year old really had to be reminded in public. I didn't mind some of it too much, but I was really strict about it in places where there were other kids around. Last thing I needed was a parent beating me up because of these kids' potty mouths.

One day the girl (who is 6) comes up to me and says 'I know what douche means' and I say 'okay, what does it mean?' 'Shower in French!' then she started cackling and walked off. I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. They were both incredibly bright and witty kids. I had to do my best to keep up with them and maintain authority.

The Winslow

01-25-2010, 01:57 AM

Overheard in the tramway, one little girl talking to another:

"No, this is not a tramway, this is a tram!"

Name Lips

01-28-2010, 07:52 PM

OK my youngest is just turning into a little gold mine for these...

At the park:

Mommy: Owen, you left your shoes behind. You need to put them on.
(we have seen broken glass in the sand before and insist the kids keep their shoes on at the park)
Son: I have a shoe on. See?
(he does indeed have a shoe on. The other one is on a path around a short brick wall, away from which he was running at high speed.)
Mommy: Well go put it on. You have to wear your shoes.
Son: No. I have to hide. My shoe is counting.

Yes. He was playing hide and seek with his shoe. And since we made him put it back on, I can only assume he lost.

Name Lips

01-28-2010, 08:17 PM

OK, a kid didn't say this, but I'm posting it anyway.

(after the second bandaid is applied to the second bleeding child)

Mommy: (exasperated) I didn't know Twister was a blood sport!

AriesOmega

02-08-2010, 04:15 PM

I may have posted this already. But in case I haven't....

We moved last year in September to a new home. When we did we also changed Weblos packs so my son can still do scouting and all. This pack meets at a Roman Catholic church. This one in particular has about a dozen crosses in a courtyard near the parking lot. In my family we are members of the UU Church with me being a "non-denominational pagan" :D and my wife being a converted agnostic. My son hasn't had that much exposure to the Christian religion other then some things his grandfather (my father in law) has said but for the most part he has respected not trying to convert him to Catholicism.

Anyhow...we pull up he gets out and stops dead in his tracks. He looks as pale as a ghost

Son:Dad! Those are CROSSES! Why do they have those there?
Me: It's a Christian thing...symbol of their faith...why? Grandmen has them too.
Son: Those are little ones. These are the real deal! Do they know what those are used for? (whispers) Romans use to execute criminals on them. It's a ROMAN Catholic Church Dad.
Me: Where did you learn that?
Son: History Channel.
Me: It's just a symbol nothing more.
Son: (Goes up and examines it them) Whew...they look real but I don't think they actually execute people on them Dad. I think it's like your sword. It's a REAL sword but it's not like you go around beheading people.

Name Lips

03-02-2010, 10:01 AM

My daughter (5) has a habit of climbing doorframes. She can climb up to the top and just stand there, staying up with only her feet. Or she can let her feet dangle and stay up with only her hands. Then she hops down. Or she uses her altitude to climb onto the washer and dryer, or the counter.

So I asked her, "If that doorframe went up and up forever and ever, how high up do you think you could get?"

She answered quite confidently, "Halfway!"

Limper

03-02-2010, 11:25 AM

Mommy: Vlad (4) its daddy's birthday!

Vlad: starts crying and hugs me tightly

Mommy: Whats wrong Vlad?

Vlad: Daddy's closer to dying and I don't weant him to die.

Schizm

03-03-2010, 01:50 PM

Limperspawn gets points for that one!

Varaj

03-05-2010, 12:15 PM

Limperspawn gets points for that one!

Only partial credit.
The correct response would have been.

"Vlad: Daddy's closer to dying and I don't weant him to die until my trust fund is larger."

Varaj

03-10-2010, 08:12 AM

Me: You stay in bed tonight or you will be in trouble. (Had been getting out of bed in the middle of night to watch TV, play on computer, etc.)
6 year old: Are you going to stay up all night?
Me: No.
6 year old: Then you better install cameras.

Cat of Ulthar

03-10-2010, 06:46 PM

Not a kid, but still funny:

The Cartographer's parents are visiting his uncle, who is poorly. His father called him on his mobile today, but the signal was rather bad, to which his father remarked: "The signal is really bad here in the evenings. They must turn it down after seven o'clock."

Name Lips

08-29-2010, 08:45 PM

My daughter is in first grade. For homework she had to pick a place she'd like to visit. She picked Disneyland. Emerald was working with her at the computer, showing her maps and videos. My daughter was getting all happy recognizing the princesses and whatnot.

Daughter: how much does it cost to go there?
Emerald: well let's type it in and see. Ok... for our family... for one day.... it says it would cost $385.
Daughter (obviously horrified): how much just for one HOUR?

Ink Bleeder

10-10-2010, 02:09 PM

Yesterday, on a hay ride to pick pumpkins; a couple with a 7-mo-old baby is sitting across from me and Caliphis's son (age 4).

C: A baby!
Me: Look at his tiny feet!
C: He has a little butt. (laughs)
Me: YOU have a little butt. He has a tiny butt.
C: You have a little butt!
Me: He has a tiny butt, you have a little butt, and I have a big butt.
C: And daddy has the biggest, giantest, biggest PENIS!