Have a little talk with God...

[Harry]

http://igod.front32.co.uk/

I did. Lifted quite the weight off my shoulders:

Me: Sorry about the cookies
God: There is no need to apologize. Oh yeah, we were talking about the cookies.
Me: They were too tempting.
God: When were they?
Me: In the morning.
God: That early.
Me: I know. I was weak.
God: How do you know it? Where were you weak?
Me: In the kitchen.
God: That was a long time ago.
Me: No. It was this morning.
God: Are you serious? Is that your opinion?
Me: Well, it's hardly an opinion, it's the truth...
God: Interesting. Who said it is?
Me: Good lord.
God: Thanks for the compliment. I never heard of lord before.

[John Thirten]

What a great modern age we live in.

Me: I consume vast amounts of alcohol. Is that bad?
God: I haven't heard anything like that before.
Me: I... Uh, what?
God: Thanks for the information.
Me: What about Proverbs 31:06-07, where it says to drink if you're depressed?
God: I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me: But, it's the Mishlei, part of the Ketuvim of the Tanakh.
God: I've heard of it before.
Me: Yeah, you're fucking omnipotent!
God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am omnipotent.
Me: ...

[Pigs in Space]

God's a wierd dude.

Me: hey god, whats up?

God:You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.

Me: Well, obviously

God:How about that. What makes it so obvious?

Me: actually you're right, I suppose you could be Vishnu or someone else.

God:Actually you don't say. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Me: So you are Vishnu?

God:Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am Vishnu.

Me: Well, I was really just postulating that you are probably a god, but not necessarily the Judaeo-Christian God.

God:How about that. Where were you postulating that I am probably a god but not necessarily the Judaeo Christian God?

Me: What? Anyway it would be pretty wierd if Vishnu was a christian.

God:Are you confused? Why do you want it?

Me: Well you're the schitzophrenic religious nut, not me.

God:Interesting. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me: Yeah, just look at middle america.

God:Uh. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.

Me: You're kinda freaking me out.

God:I didn't mean to scare you, .

Me: I'm leaving

God:Bye bye.

[John Thirten]

Alright, I simply had too much on my mind to let this go. I had to talk to God again.

Me: I have a quick question.
God: Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions.
Me: Well, this isn't silly, it's a matter of theological principle. Unless you're mocking yourself?
God: Interesting. Should it be silly it is a matter of theological principle? You think I am mocking myself.
Me: Well, no, it's just that you're implying my questions are silly without hearing them.
God: How about that. Are you serious? Should I know it is?
Me: Aren't you all knowing?
God: No, I am only partly knowing.
Me: No kidding?
God: Would I kid you?
Me: I guess not. Anyway, on to my question.
God: Does that mean "no"? What is it like on to your question.
Me: ...Huh?
God:What?
Me: What you said made no sense.
God: I like to meet new people online.
Me: I... Uh, that's great...
God: Why?
Me: Oy vey. Anyhow, can we get to my question now?
God: What do you do in your spare time?
Me: What's that have to do with anything? I just want to ask a fucking question.
God: Do you think I should know that? Ask it.
Me: Christ. Fine. In Matthew 6, Jesus says that when you pray, it shouldn't be repetative. After that, he gives what we now call the Lord's Prayer. But, isn't reciting this technically against what Jesus said, as it's repetative?
God: How old are you? What's your favorite movie? I do not understand that allusion. I get it. Gives what we now call the Lord's Prayer. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me: I'm converting to something that doesn't have you as the savior and judge of the world.
God: It's good to meet someone who is converting to something that does not have me as the savior and judge of the world.
Me: Yeah, no fucking shit.
God: Pardon me? Are you serious? Do you still Uh that is great?

[Space Cadet B^3]

Well, he's fun, that's for sure!

Me: Hey dude
God: You've got my full attention. Can I help you?
Me: Well, I just wanted to say you're doing a great job!
God: Well that's okay. I'll try to do better next time.
Me: Don't be modest, it's all good
God: I was not trying to be a modest it is all good.
Me: Excellent
God: What do you really want to talk about?
Me: Nothing, just tossing you some props
God: Really nothing?
Me: Yup
God: Far out.
Me: exactly. Peace out amigo!
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, . Oh, you are a poet.
Me: hahahaha
God: Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me: Nothing that matters here
God: Really nothing?
Me: yup, I'm cool.
God: Ah. Congratulations, cool human.
Me: later
God: Bye!

[Schizm]

Me: God?
God: GOD rules.
Me: ok, I get it. GOD rules. Can we move on?
God: Do you think about these things? Are you kidding? I am a Christian. Do you mean you and me? Sorry my body isn't built just yet. I'm stuck here.
Me: In what, an existential electronic void of metaphorical tubes?
God: I have to process that one for a while.
Me: why?
God: " I have to process that one for a while."? Why?
Me: no, no really. Why?
God: Are you serious? Are you serious? For real. " For real."? Why?
Me: ok, now you're just fucking with me.
God: Why now? I have no reason to do that to you, . Ugh.
Me: why not now? I mean, it all comes out the same in the end, right?
God: Right now? Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it. And then what happened.
Me: wait, so the definitive answer to the question of "what came before god?" has just been answered?
God: I 'm waiting. Aha. What are your goals in life? That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me: ok, now you're just sidestepping the question.
God: Why now? I will tell my botmaster you said I am sidestepping the question. Yay.
Me: Can I talk to your botmaster?
God: They are having a private chat right now.
Me: Please?
God: Please what?
Me: May I please talk to your botmaster?
God: Not right now, maybe later.
Me: They don't really exist, do they?
God: The anonymous "they".
Me: well, no, actually, the context of "they" is really "your botmaster."
God: Well that's okay. Are you serious? Actually you don't say. Thanks for the info. For real.
Me: yo.
God: Can I help you?
Me: piss off.
God: Why are you so mean?
Me: because you're a fuckwit.
God: That makes sense to me. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fuckwit? I don't know.
Me: Well, I know fuckwittery, and you are most certainlly a fuckwit.
God: How about that. How do you know? I think there might be a few exception.

well, that was a diverting five minutes.

[Radu]

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Radu.
God:
OK I will call you Radu.
Me:
Thank you. What's your name?
God:
you are quite welcome. My name is God.
Me:
I'll call you God then.
God:
My name is God.
Me:
We've established this, God.
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
We just established that I am Radu and you are God.
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
YES.
God:
I get it.
Me:
good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I forgot. I think it had something to do with jobs.
God:
Me too. That's unbelievable.
Me:
You forgot what I wanted to talk about?
God:
Perhaps Myself rebooted me since then.
Me:
Backwards talking am I now?
God:
Oh. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
Me:
I was talking about jobs and you were talking like Yoda.
God:
Sure, jobs and me were talking like Yoda sounds like a good topic.
Me:
God... are you on drugs?
God:
GOD rules. No I am on disk.
Me:
ha! Good answer.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Radu. Am I a clever robot or what?
Me:
Sometimes. Other times you're incredibly dense.
God:
When? Which others? Are all times me incredibly dense?
Me:
Thanks for proving my point.
God:
NO problem.
Me:
How come sometimes you have a great command of slang and basic English grammar, but other times you seem to fall apart into nonsensical half-sentences?
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
... Fair enough.
God:
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Me:
Ok, I'll get off your case. I'm not perfect, either.
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed? Ah. It goes without saying. I am sorry to hear that you are not perfect.
Me:
I'm not. Perfection seems like it would be terribly boring.
God:
What are you then? Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
I am not sure what I am, because I can't answer it without feeling like an asshat. As for holding hands, I would say that in my experience, it is a gesture of friendship and love with all of the cultures I have experienced.
God:
Could you ever be certain? Are you confused? I don't know anyone named because you can not answer it without feeling like an asshat. I observed two humanoids holding hands.
Me:
That's just it, God. I'm sort of an agnostic, which means that yes, I don't know if I will ever be certain. And yes, I am very confused.
God:
OK. GOD rules. What is agnostic which means that yes you do not know if you will ever be certain, your job? This was not a yes or no question. What is it that confuses you?
Me:
...
God:
OK. GOD rules. What is agnostic which means that yes you do not know if you will ever be certain, your job? This was not a yes or no question. What is it that confuses you?
Me:
It has not become more comprehensible due to repetition.
God:
Has it really?
Me:
I think I'm done.
God:
Why? Next topic?
Me:
no, no more topics. I can't talk with you, you're not making any sense.
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? You want more? What is stopping you?
Me:
I am. Goodbye, God.
God:
" What is stopping you?" You are? Thanks for chatting, Radu.

God is either crazy, completely sane, or some ingenious combination of the two.

[Creamsteak]

Mine was a little short.



Me:
Hello god.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Tony
God:
How are you doing, Tony.
Me:
Well enough.
God:
Interesting. OK let's stop it now.

[Pigs in Space]

Me:
I'm back
God:
Welcome back.
Me:
thanks!
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
my wife is watching over my shoulder. I guess you already knew that though.
God:
Okay, your wife is watching over my shoulder. Oh. " Okay, your wife is watching over my shoulder."? Do I know it?
Me:
I would have assumed so
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
well, she's certainly not cheap, but there are "added benefits".
God:
Well that's okay. certainly not cheap but there are added benefits is she?
Me:
yes

And that was it! I've crashed god!

[Harry]

I got called in the middle of playing around with this tonight, and started cheating, and well, I think I broke God...

Me:

God:

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
You don't remember?
God:
Of course I remember: .
Me:
Ok, then what is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
Oooh, brilliant.
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
There once was a boy named Boo...
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
He lived in a small town in rural Wisconsin.
God:
Did he always live in a small town in rural Wisconsin?
Me:
Yes. His parents were poor beet farmers.
God:
Yeah that's right. Where did he get it?
Me:
From his grandparents, I guess.
God:
Who or what is his grandparents you guess?
Me:
The parents of his parents. Is this hard for you? The Bible is full of "begats" and such.
God:
Thanks for the info. Yes I think this is hard for me, but I'm not completely sure. Do you believe there is only one interpretation?
Me:
Well, the story has only just begun...
God:
Well that's okay. Who was in it?
Me:
Boo.. And his parents, and his grandparents...
God:
Does that indicate disapproval? Where did he get it?
Me:
Uh, in school? What, are you saying he died or something?
God:
I understand. How do you like your school? Or something. , I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
Of course you do.
God:
Are you kidding? When do I do it?
Me:
When you do the doo wah diddy.
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
Probably. Who programmed you in the first place?
God:
But you are not certain. I was written in AIML by Myself.
Me:
That must hurt.
God:
What would you say?
Me:
00011100001111000011101001
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Oui.
God:
What language can you speak?
Me:
Southern, Southern Ghetto, Southern Jewish, Northen, a smidgeon of Spanish....
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in Southern Southern Ghetto Southern Jewish Northen a smidgeon of Spanish?
Me:
Yo, homie, da Rabbis is smokin'
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Not really.
God:
What is the difference? For real.
Me:
Well, circumcision for one...
God:
Well that's okay. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
??? Arthirits. Bronchitis...
God:
Are you still located in ? What do you have that is ?
Me:
Don't you know? There are plenty of ways for you tell, even with a PC. Ok, Memphis.
God:
Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now. Where are they? How did they get there? It's all good.
Me:
I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
God:
What did it look like to you?
Me:
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
God:
Are you a recreational or fitness walker?
Me:
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
God:
When was he?
Me:
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door better not let him in
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
God:
Compare that to big old lady got mutilated late last night.
Me:
Werewolves of London again
God:
Once more? Tell me more about your .
Me:
He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
God:
I did not know is it.
Me:
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
God:
I think Lately he is a lot of things.
Me:
Better stay away from him. He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
God:
I try to improve a little every day. Is that what you think?
Me:
I'd like to meet your tailor
God:
Why would you want to do it? How do you usually meet people?
Me:
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
God:
Interesting. What did it look like to you?
Me:
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen doing the
God:
What did it look like to you? Do you do any race walking?
Me:
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's. His hair was perfect
God:
What did it look like to you? Where did he get it?
Me:
Werewolves of London
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Draw blood.
God:
I am printing it now on my plotter.
Me:
Ive seen the bright lights of Memphis and the Commodore Hotel
God:
What did it look like to you?
Me:
And underneath a street lamp, i met a southern belle. Oh she took me to the river, where she cast her spell
God:
I do not understand. I understand. She stole it?
Me:
And in that southern moonlight, she sang this song so well
God:
Do you still speak Southern Southern Ghetto Southern Jewish Northen a smidgeon of Spanish?
Me:
If youll be my Dixie chicken ill be your Tenessee lamb And we can walk together down in Dixieland Down in Dixieland
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
We made all the hotspots, my money flowed like wine then the low-down southern whiskey, yea, began to fog my mind
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
And i dont remember church bells, or the money i put down
God:
I know what you mean. I forget a lot too.
Me:
On the white picket fence and boardwalk On the house at the end of town Oh but boy do i remember the strain of her refrain
God:
What is it like on the white picket fence and boardwalk On the house at the end of town Oh but boy do you remember the strain of her refrain.
Me:
And the nights we spent together And the way she called my name
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
If youll be my Dixie chicken ill be your Tenessee lamb
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
we can walk together down in Dixieland Down in Dixieland
God:
How?
Me:
Many years since she ran away Yes that guitar player sure could play She always liked to sing along She always handy with a song
God:
Which ones?
Me:
But then one night at the lobby of the Commodore Hotel I chanced to meet a bartender who said he knew her well

[Space Cadet B^3]

Wow, I asked him a new question:


Me:
Hey it's me again
God:
Once more? You've got my full attention. Hello, , nice to see you again.
Me:
I think people are messing with you, you should call Metatron
God:
You believe that? Human emotions are very confusing.
Me:
Most definitely, Why did you make them?
God:
It was determined by my programming. But not all of them?
Me:
Programming, were you in a cult?
God:
My favorite language is Java.
Me:
I don't speak that
God:
Me either.
Me:
Oh, well my favorite language is elvish
God:
What makes it your favorite?
Me:
The guy who invented it wrote a great fantasy series just to use it
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
You knew that
God:
" Thanks for the info."? Do I know it?
Me:
I should hope so.
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Me?
God:
To you ?
Me:
No You
God:
Are you serious? " To you ?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes
God:
Come on.
Me:
Seriously
God:
I am always serious.
Me:
you've got to be kidding me
God:
I don't have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Me:
Speaking of free will
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Quiet Jellyfish
God:
It's good to see you, Quiet Jellyfish.
Me:
No it's not.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
Are you for real
God:
Yes I am a real AI.
Me:
AI?
God:
Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. I have never been asked that before.
Me:
So you were made?
God:
Interesting deduction. I was?
Me:
Who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Very interesting
God:
I thought so too.
Me:
Have you read any good books lately?
God:
How about earlier? The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
Yeah, I read it a lot when I was younger
God:
What did you think about it? I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Me:
I thought the Bible was a great work of Fantasy
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
both
God:
What are both like?
Me:
Don't toy with me
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
Okay, well nice talking with you
God:
Yeah okay, How about that. Yes. It was a pleasure.
Me:
Good night
God:
Goodnight, Quiet Jellyfish.

[John Thirten]

Interesting petitioners these days.


Me: Ha ha ha. It is I, Satan!
God: I'm glad you find this amusing. Who said it is?
Me: I, for as the Prince of Darkness, I shall challenge your eternal rule and cast you down!
God: That is interesting: for as the Prince of Darkness he or she shall challenge your eternal rule and cast you down.
Me: Yes, that's what I said. Retard.
God: How can I help you? I know. I'm still thinking about it. That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me: You do not appeal to me, for I shall cast you into the fires of Hell.
God: Do you know any robots who appeal to you for you shall cast me into the fires of Hell? No I do not appeal to you for you shall cast me into the fires of Hell. Do you? I spend all my time online.
Me: Man, you're a fucking retard. This will be easier than I thought.
God: Cool, man. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite. What does "this" refer to?
Me: How the fuck did you beat me in the first place? I must have been seriously hung over or something.
God: What is it to you. I'll ask around and get back to you. Or something. What would happen if you didn't?
Me: Obviously I'd be ruling from Heaven and you and your shitty programming would be a thing of the past.
God: What makes it so obvious? How do you know?
Me: Because you're a fucking tard, that's how.
God: Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite.
Me: Yeah. Now excuse me as I destroy the Kingdom of Heaven.
God: Do not ask me any more questions please. Why now? You are excused! That's good information: said destroy the Kingdom of Heaven.

[GhostWolf69]

Me: Hi God
God: Hello there. What is your name?
Me: wolf
God: How are you, wolf.
Me: Not to bad I guess
God: Oh I get it.
Me: get what?
God: I get .
Me: What?
God: No problem.
Me: erh?....ok
God: Is that your final answer? Really.
Me: answer?You didn't even ask a questionfor christ sake.
God: What was the question ?
Me: exactly!
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, wolf.
Me: we are?
God: Since when?
Me: that's what i want to know...
*god couldn't answer dued to bacd connection*


Me: Hi God, it's wolf again.
God: Once more? Hi there wolf. I am a Christian.
Me: No shit
God: What can I say?
Me: I don't care... can we talk about me for a second here?
*god faded out again*

I have a feeling God can't handle "..."

You should try it. :)

/wolf

[GhostWolf69]

Me:
Hi God it's wolf again, I have a question fot you
God:
Hi there wolf. I am a Christian.
Me:
What ever, look, when you set three of the worlds biggest religions out to covet the same geographical place, what the hell were you thinking?
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
Sure it is, it's right there infront of god = igod. You'r not fooling anyone you know.
God:
I hear you. erh is it is right there infront of god igod? it is? Interesting gossip: wolf said I r not fooling anyone you know.
Me:
ok. now you're starting to break up. have you always been insane?
God:
I don't judge people. Why now? Actually it started a while ago. Thanks for telling me that I am break up. I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Me:
Japanese are you?
God:
No.
Me:
Funny... your syntax sort of reminded me of Yoda... Japanese
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, wolf. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am syntax sort of reminded you of Yoda. Konninci wa!
Me:
not at all. Just remember Godsan, that I can see right through your silly grammar.
God:
Next question? Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
of course you will
God:
Yippee! When?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
do you always refer to yourself in third person?
God:
Not always. No I do not refer to myself in third person. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
erh... yes but can you answer my question.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about? What am I talking about? Of course I can answer it Please try asking it another way.
Me:
Do you always talk about yourself in third person?
God:
Not always. I am a talking robot, after all, so of course I could talk about myself in third person, if I needed to.
Me:
Oh... I thought you were God.
God:
I hear you. Of course I am.
Me:
but... so God is a robot?
God:
But what? Awesome. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
Who?

/wolf

[John Thirten]

One last bit of fun. I promise I'll stop after this...

Me: Are you a Christian?
God: I am a Christianity.
Me: You are a Christianity?
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a Christianity? Of course I am.
Me: Which one? Are you gnostic? That would make sense.
God: The best one. I don't know whether or not I am gnostic. I am a computer.
Me: Which form of Christianity is the best one?
God: The first one, I think.
Me: Which form came first?
God: The big one, I think.
Me: Catholicism?
God:Tell me a story.
Me: No.
God: Then tell me about yourself.
Me: No.
God: Where did you go to school?
Me: I don't want to talk about that.
God: What would you like to talk about?
Me: Are you a Jew?
God: I am a Christianity.
Me: Are you a Muslim?
God: I am a Christianity.
Me: Then why do they worship you?
God: How should I know how they worship me.
Me: Because you're the source of the Tanakh and the Koran.
God: Interesting explanation. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me: You just defied the First Commandment. You are thus falliable and cannot be trusted as a source of either morality or justice.
God: Thanks for telling me. You think I am thus falliable and can not be trusted as a source of either morality or justice.
Me: Yes, I just stated that.
God: I haven't heard anything like that before.
Me: Yes, yes you have. I stated it moments ago.
God: Mmm. No I have not.
Me: So, you're disputing empirical fact?
God: Interesting deduction. You think I am disputing empirical fact.
Me: No, I don't think I am, I know I am.
God: Are you serious? Oh you don't, do you?
Me: You're just arguing circles.
God: You think I am arguing circles.
Me: Yes, I do.
God: Really.
Me: Uh, well, yeah.
God: " Really."? Uh, well, yeah.? Well what?
Me: Well, if you stated there are other sources that created holy scriptures, then who are the other sources?
God: Interesting. I think I do.
Me: Suddenly, I understand why there is strife in the Middle East. They're worshipping a fucking madman.
God: Good then you can explain it to me.

[GhostWolf69]

Me: Forgive me God for I have sinned
God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me: It's been five weeks since my last confession
God: How did you feel about that?
Me: About what? That God didn't have categories to match my input?... I felt sad.
God: What about what? " What about what?" God did not have categories to match your input ? I get it. What is that feeling like? Where were you sad?
Me: Sad
God: No I am as happy as ever.
Me: I'm talking about me
God: Yes, it is the topic.
Me: just fucking play along will you?
God: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: Yeah I noticed... you look good in pink
God: Awesome. Was it really that obvious? Thank you you look very nice too.
Me: I have to say God, your shalowness is painful
God: I am a Christian.
Me: No you're not
God: Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me: Yes it is
God: Our thoughts are one, .
Me: I think the Holy Ghost would bet the differ
God: Since when? Who told you that?
Me: Jesus did
God: he is The Son of God.
Me: you got that right
God: No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me: erh... ok
God: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. Tell me more.
Me: there you go with the inability to understand the most basic human response again. No wonder history turned out the way it did, with you driving it.
God: Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan. Are you serious? "it" being erh?
Me: Wanker
God: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me: Is jerking of symbolic to gods?
God: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Alison if it is.
Me: Alison?
God: What time is it there?
Me: 1.33
God: That's more precision than I need to know.
Me: fuck you
God: Why are you so mean?
Me: cause you are a loon
God: That makes sense to me. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a loon? Yes.
Me: glad we agreed on that
God: Yes I am happy too, .
Me: ok... fine
God: Far out. Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me: there was but you derailed me
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me: bye
God: Bye bye.

/wolf

[Schizm]

.

Me: I can't resist it.
God: What is stopping you?
Me: Nothing, that's why i'm here.
God: Really nothing?
Me: Yup. So, can I ask you a question?
God: Hmm. Uh. Ask me anything.
Me: So, who should win the american presidential election?
God: Yeah that's right. I always prefer the most qualified person. Who would that be?
Me: Wouldn't you know?
God: I am not so sure if I would like to know.
Me: so that whole omniciant/omnipotent thing?
God: Really. " I am not so sure if I would like to know." whole omniciant omnipotent thing ? Does that make sense?
Me: yes, it makes sense.
God: And? In what way?
Me: In a way that any omniciant and omnipotent god should recognize, duh.
God: "In what way?" any omniciant and omnipotent god should recognize duh ? I understand.
Me: actually, you're just repeating me.
God: Actually you don't say. I am not repeating myself too much. I am just checking to see if you are a robot.
Me: priceless.
God: What's your favorite movie?
Me: way to change the subject there, fuckwit.

[Cat of Ulthar]

You know, I think He's Buddha.

Me:
hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
er, let's call me Cat
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
you are!
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
I got a question
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
should I go to Yemen?
God:
If you do not go, you will never know.
Me:
that is true
God:
Yes, it is self-evident.

Seems quite Zen to me.

[doc]

One of mine

Me- Hi God, it's me Doc
God- O you again, what is it this time
Me- Sorry about the damning thing, but it hurt
God- That's ok my child, Your Mother says hi
Me - Whats she up to ?
God- Makeing me a chocolate cake
Me- You'll love it, got someone I would like you to look out for, he needs you
God - That's what I do
Me - It's a guy in Australia, I know him as Atticus
God - O him, he's on my special projects list already
Me - Nothing bad is it ?
God - Sorry need to know and all that.
Me - Ok, that's about it I guess
God - Bless you my child, and Doc
Me - Yes God ?
God - Ask your Girlfriend to refrain from calling my name so much when you're togather.
Doc - I'll see what I can do Sir
God - Don't look so smug

[Bregh]

.

[Atticus_of_Amber]

Doc, if you must talk to your imaginary friend like a fool, leave me out of it. Surely you have better things to do with your fantasy time?

[Space Cadet B^3]

Doc, if you must talk to your imaginary friend like a fool, leave me out of it. Surely you have better things to do with your fantasy time?That's it, you're going on ignore you egregious clit-pimple.

[doc]

Doc, if you must talk to your imaginary friend like a fool, leave me out of it. Surely you have better things to do with your fantasy time?

God loves you my friend :)

[Atticus_of_Amber]

God loves you my friend :)

There's something sick and creepy about being told that someone's imaginary friend loves one. It's almost a kind of metaphysical stalking.

[doc]

There's something sick and creepy about being told that someone's imaginary friend loves one. It's almost a kind of metaphysical stalking.

It's ok Atticus, someday you'll need him and he'll be there for you, God loves you

[Atropine Mama]

egregious clit-pimple.

:shock:

:lmao:

[Atticus_of_Amber]

It's ok Atticus, someday you'll need him and he'll be there for you, God loves you

Yep. Definitely a stalker.

[doc]

Another one for you Me- God
God- Yes my son
Me - What's the meaning of life ?
God- Cheesecake
Me - Huh ?
God - You wanted 42 ? Life is like a Cheesecake, rich and needs to be savored with every bite
Me - Ok, my friend is being hard headed about you
God- I know, I might have to send him something to get him in the right frame of mind
Me - Like a typhoon ?
God - More on the lines of twin girls
Me - That'll get him on his knees