Top 100 "christian" messageboard quotes.

[FeatsofClay]

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_ chat_rooms/

Lots at the site, I will just quote a few precious ones. This is NOT me being a Christian basher. Just pointing out the huge fun some very ignorant people who claim to be Christians can be.

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

on the sunject of a Bible printing company]

Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes... what can I say?).

The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.

It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

"Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic."

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.

There is not a single passage or concept in the Bible that would be offensive to any human on the planet.

More genius revelations on the list.

[Trainz]

Stupidity knows no bounds.

What was that saying by Einstein again?

[Scarbonac]

That is some humorous shit.

[Darkfire]

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

:lol:

[Dacke]

My favorite is the second one on the list (and it was a little disappointing that it was all downhill from there):
One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

[Varaj]

Atticus they are coming for you. ;)
I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human
beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals),
since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards
and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their
right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone
chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of
others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?

And what epitaph do you engrave on an Atheist's grave
marker? "Here lies the only good Atheist, which is a
dead Atheist". What else is there say? Nothing at all.
No last words, no last rites, no flowers, no anything.

Every time an Atheist dies, the world is better off as
a result of that dead Atheist being dead, & its damned
God-forsaken soul burning in the fiery pits of Hades. :)

Which begs another related question, do Atheists cry at
funerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and they
hate Family, and they hate Country, who are they crying
for? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist.

[Dr_Avalanche]

Great site, very funny.

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.

This position I've found to be exceedingly common, and not just among christians.

[Radu]

Well, you know what I always say: never let the facts get in the way of your opinions! Being informed is overrated.

[Limper]

Atticus they are coming for you. ;)

Was that from Gene Ray?

[GhostWolf69]

If I may be so bold as to try to be serious here for a minute.
(Boring, I know, please bare with me.)

"Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic."

There is more to this nugget than meets the eye and even though our initial response is to sneer and laugh it is acctually a source of great insight into what sets religious and scientific validity apart.

During my years at the university when I studied religion I encounterd so many believers (mostly would-be priests) and debated all kinds of questions back and forth until my eyes and ear bled. If I learned anything during those years it is this:

For a religious person; it is completely logical to believe in God.

In my mind I sort of compare this to Einstein's break thrgouh, when he realised that it is not the speed of light that changes, but time itself. You see the logic of science and the logic of religion are two separate things. They will sometimes wear eachothers masks, but they will never truly meet. When a religious person argues for his beliefs he will use a certain religious logic that makes complete sense from his standpoint. Unfortunately it is utter bollocks to anyone who is not religious, and is often mistaken for being flawed scientific logic. It's not. The reverse is also true. The atheist arguing against religion, pro darwin or what ever will use arguments based in scientific logic. This he believes has to be true for everyone. The believer thinks he's full of shit, and will filter all this logic into his own religious state of mind.

The effect then, becomes rather confused, frustrating and cause for much namecalling. Like a game of tennis where the players on the field think they are playing the same game against eachother. When in reality they are using parallel fields with no real opponent on the other side.

"How could you NOT see that ball was in?"

"Dude... I didn't even see the ball cross the net."

In my experience, and the only way I could stand having these discussions in the end was to make very clear to the person I talked to that I was not hostile, did not want a debate, and would NEVER question him in a pointed fashion.

Religious discussions we can have, as long as we do it to learn. I can listen to presented beliefs, I can question then out of curiosity and kindness, or a genuine interest to know what the other person believes. I can in turn share my own views and open up to let people see what I believe or how I would argue.

But I can never ever debate/compete. Ever.

We are not, and will never be on the same playing field, hence there can be no "competition".

/wolf

[Xavier Lang]

My favorite is the second one on the list (and it was a little disappointing that it was all downhill from there):

It must be very dark where they are.

[Space Cadet B^3]

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lolEXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

[GhostWolf69]

EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Exactly... Anihilate! Kill! Kill!

/wolf

[Pigs in Space]

I find a lot of these hard to believe. They sound trollishly stupid.

It must be very dark where they are.

Not with the LIGHT OF GOD shining in their eyes.

[GhostWolf69]

I find a lot of these hard to believe. They sound trollishly stupid.

Not with the LIGHT OF GOD shining in their eyes.

Agreed... but why ruin a good rant by telling it truthfully?

/wolf

[Schizm]

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girl's sister.


I very rarely actually physically see red. This was one of those occasions.

[The Winslow]

"Four permanent wives"? I don't even want to know where that bit came from.

[Varaj]

"Four permanent wives"? I don't even want to know where that bit came from.

Doesn't Islam limit the max number of wives to 4? I've noticed some of the quotes are from Islamic boards as well. That one might be as well.

[GhostWolf69]

Doesn't Islam limit the max number of wives to 4? I've noticed some of the quotes are from Islamic boards as well. That one might be as well.

You mean people lie about them being Islamic, just as much as they lie about them being Christian?

Could be, I guess.

"If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, then only one" Noble verse 4:3.

“If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, [both] the beloved and the hated; and [if] the firstborn son be hers that was hated” [Deuteronomy 21:15]

“If he take him another [wife]; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.” [Exodus 21:10]

"And Rehoboam loved Maachah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and his concubines: (for he took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines; and begat twenty and eight sons, and threescore daughters.)” [2 Chronicles 11:21]

“And he(Solomon) had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.” [1 Kings 11:3]

“And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David.” [2 Samuel 5:13]

“[These were] all the sons of David, beside the sons of the concubines, and Tamar their sister.” [1 Chronicles 3:1-9]



I don't know.... I'd say they are both pretty much in favor... :D

With a possible side note that the Quran quote was after the Battle of Uhud in which nearly half the Muslim population was wiped out. Hence God is telling his people to try to survive by adopting orphans and taking care of the women. It's a sort of emergency exception ...thing.

/wolf

[Varaj]

You mean people lie about them being Islamic, just as much as they lie about them being Christian?

Could be, I guess.





I don't know.... I'd say they are both pretty much in favor... :D

With a possible side note that the Quran quote was after the Battle of Uhud in which nearly half the Muslim population was wiped out. Hence God is telling his people to try to survive by adopting orphans and taking care of the women. It's a sort of emergency exception ...thing.

/wolf

Christianity doesn't limit to 4. :)

[Varaj]

Time to mention Poe' Law.

Similar to Murphy's Law, Poe's Law concerns internet debates, particularly regarding religion or politics.

"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

In other words, No matter how bizzare, outrageous, or just plain idiotic a parody of a Fundamentalist may seem, there will always be someone who cannot tell that it is a parody, having seen similar REAL ideas from real religious/political Fundamentalists.

[Janos]

Time to mention Poe' Law.

I hadn't seen that before, but I'm going to start using it. Thanks Varaj.

[Hastur T. Fannon]

Time to mention Poe' Law.

Landover Baptist (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/) being based on this principle

[Freedom Canadian]

In other words, No matter how bizzare, outrageous, or just plain idiotic a parody of a Fundamentalist may seem, there will always be someone who cannot tell that it is a parody, having seen similar REAL ideas from real religious/political Fundamentalists.

...having seen similar real ideas from real religious/political Fundamentalists OR from other parodies of Fundamentalism he didn't know weren't real. :D