Money and Friendship

[Xavier Lang]

I went to Dragon Con recently with 10 other folks. I planned it, put the hotel rooms and rental vehicle on my credit cards and they were to pay me back once we got home. How much they would owe was emailed out about 4-6 months in advance, I forwarded the actual email confirmations I got from the hotel and the rental van place.

Everyone paid me back in a timely fashion except one couple. Of the ~$675 they owe me, they have paid me back $100. The convention was about a month ago August 30 - September 4th.


How upset would this make you? What would your response/reaction be?

(I'm not looking for sympathy nor am I venting, I"m just curious how people deal with friends owing them money.)

[TiQuinn]

$575? I'd be fairly upset. I'd call them up and ask them nicely first when they will be able to pay me back. If they didn't or stonewalled me, they'd cease to be a friend as far as I'm concerned.

[Glass]

$575? I'd be fairly upset. I'd call them up and ask them nicely first when they will be able to pay me back. If they didn't or stonewalled me, they'd cease to be a friend as far as I'm concerned.
I'm with TiQuinn on this one. I don't let friends get into hock with me, because it pisses me off & ends friendships.

[Varaj]

I don't lend money, I give gifts. If I get it back then it is like a gift was given to me. If I can't afford to treat it that way I don't lend the money. My friends are worth more than money.*


*Non-friends I treat differently. :)
For non-friends I wouldn't have placed the orders until everybody had paid.

[Dr_Avalanche]

I can live with imperfect people, but it would be a clear sign that lending these people money isn't a good idea. Mental note for the future.

I'd give them a reminder. If they don't pay immediately after that, I *would* get upset, enough to cut them out of my social life. If they're short of money, they shouldn't have gone (or asked you beforehand if it was ok to pay later). If they have money, they don't respect you the way they should.

[FeatsofClay]

I don't lend money, I give gifts. If I get it back then it is like a gift was given to me. If I can't afford to treat it that way I don't lend the money. My friends are worth more than money.*



My father always preached this and I always thought it was shit till I started being the one with the money.

He was very right.

I am shocked and thrilled like a birthday present when I get money back bcause I have taught myself never to expect it.

You, however, seemed to have entered this with a payback agreement, which changes everything. Calmly and rationally explain it without malice. Twice. Then be rude and explain why.

[TiQuinn]

I don't lend money, I give gifts. If I get it back then it is like a gift was given to me. If I can't afford to treat it that way I don't lend the money. My friends are worth more than money.*


*Non-friends I treat differently. :)
For non-friends I wouldn't have placed the orders until everybody had paid.

I've heard this before, and I just don't think that it's in my personality to say that.

[PWD]

Call them and ask for your money.

[Iron Jenny Kidd]

If they needed some sort of payment plan then they should have discussed that with you when you offered to front the cost. Hell, they had 4-6 months prior to the occasion to save for it! I'd be pissed about this amount. $100 and under I can write off but I've got bills to pay, too.


Oh, and...what TiQuinn said.

[Xavier Lang]

They are planning to pay me back the rest.
I knew what sort of a financial risk they were when I agreed to include them. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know I could handle not getting paid back for quite some time.

[Pigs in Space]

Call them and ask for your money.

Besides, is SHARK still around? You can always get that mutherfucker to pay them a visit.

[_Michael]

Besides, is SHARK still around? You can always get that mutherfucker to pay them a visit.

I'd do this for free. Well maybe for gas money. http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-1/93333/adt.gif

The wife and I have a couple people like this. I would personally just take them out into the street and beat the shit out of them. But she wont let me do that. I'd never be friends with them again. Yet she wishes to keep some contact and remind them every so often that they owe us.

Personally I'd no longer be friends and find some way of getting my money back from them. Legit or not.

[Black Angel]

I would be dissappointed in them if I had expected the money right away, and it likely would affect the friendship. If I had already been aware of the monetary risks, then probably I wouldn't be so upset, but I'd at least be discussing some way of setting up a payment plan for paying off the rest, rather than just letting it slide. I don't think I actually would have lent them them money under that circumstance either - I would expect that my friends would not ask for a loan without the ability to pay it back. Money lending and friends don't mix easily...

[Dawnstar]

I think that I would talk with them and ask them when they plan on paying you back. I would be nice at first and if they need to do it in little bits, then it has to be agreed on by you first. But it sounds like they already had an agreement and have not followed through.

Not really sure what you should do the more I think about it.

[Limper]

I only wish you could have learned this one with a lower bill... $500 is a painful bill to eat if you end up eating it.

[Janos]

I just don't lend money, period. Too many complications and I've been burned every time I have made an exception to that rule.

[Xavier Lang]

1 member of the couple got laid off yesterday so it will be a while before they pay me back.

When I was planning for the convention in March or so and they mentioned wanting to go with the group I budgeted for them to fail to pay me back. I wouldn't have included them in the plans if I hadn't been able to handle not getting the money. Long before they knew they wouldn't be able to pay me back I had no doubt they would fail to pay on time if at all.
I am not upset they haven't paid me back. I'm sure they will still be trying to pay me back in 2008. Sadly, it means I can't include them in future trips.

I'm torn on using this as an example of how badly they handle money and explain what they did that was worse that being unable to pay. They don't seem to grasp that if you let people know before the money is due that there is a problem you are usually better off than not paying them on time and or after you are late calling up and saying you can't pay.
I don't bother mentioning the lack of budget. I've met some great people who don't handle money well. Most have had to find a spouse to take over financial responsibility for them.

[Limper]

I'm torn on using this as an example of how badly they handle money and explain what they did that was worse that being unable to pay. They don't seem to grasp that if you let people know before the money is due that there is a problem you are usually better off than not paying them on time and or after you are late calling up and saying you can't pay. I don't bother mentioning the lack of budget. I've met some great people who don't handle money well. Most have had to find a spouse to take over financial responsibility for them.

Mention it and do so at length and in detail. Handaling money is NOT rocket science... its impulse control and that elusive beast common sense, it can also be learned.

You are doing them a greater disservice if you do not tell them. Tell them that you can no longer include them in future plans and tell them the reason why. Explain to them how they are financial fuckups and how they could simply correct the issue if they would only pull their heads out of their asses (of course be nicer than I am in this post... I'm sure you already know that).

They need someone to lay it on the line and they need that to happen until they get it.

[Iron Jenny Kidd]

I've friends like that.

They are constantly struggling to pay their bills. After several attempts at explaining how a budget would pull them out of the monthy money crisis, I simply gave up. Not to mention the woman is a dollar store freak. She thinks she's saving money buying long-term use items there.

For fuck's sake, when you want a rake to last longer than one use you don't buy it from the dollar store!! ARRGH!!

Anyway, seems you knew what you were getting into with that situation, Xavier. It would be ridiculous to get upset knowing there was a large posibility of not getting repayed. They should have been upfront about their abilities though.