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Limper
08-09-2007, 08:49 AM
You shall have no God before Limper.

Be as Limper in all things you do.

Send Limper money and send it often.

More comandments to follow and the days and weeks progress.
Limper
08-09-2007, 08:51 AM
Be Most Excellent in all things you do.

Don't be a wussy.

Don't kiss any ass that isn't Limpers.
Limper
08-09-2007, 08:54 AM
Don't be a Limper Damned Hippy!

Kick hippies with impunity.
Keeper of Secrets
08-09-2007, 08:58 AM
Do you have any literature I can read about this Church? Is it tax exempt?
Limper
08-09-2007, 09:01 AM
Do you have any literature I can read about this Church? Is it tax exempt?

I'll have my Disciples swing by and give you some learnin.

I'm still working on the tax exempt status... they really make that shit hard to pull off.

Of course your donations are deductable so from your side eveything should be fine.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 09:17 AM
I'm sorry, Limper, I would love to worship you, but I'm afraid I've given my soul over to the Cult of Deathe. I'm a High Priestess there, dontchaknow!
Limper
08-09-2007, 09:19 AM
I'm sorry, Limper, I would love to worship you, but I'm afraid I've given my soul over to the Cult of Deathe. I'm a High Priestess there, dontchaknow!

You are just sucking up to the guy for sex and you know it.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 09:20 AM
You are just sucking up to the guy for sex and you know it.
Well, yeah! Dumbass.

Any man who can do what he does with his tongue deserves worship. You, not so much.
Limper
08-09-2007, 09:23 AM
Well, yeah! Dumbass.

Any man who can do what he does with his tongue deserves worship. You, not so much.

I can lick my eyebrow.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 09:26 AM
I can lick my eyebrow.

I sense potential. Does the eyebrow need an hour to recover once you've done that to it?
Limper
08-09-2007, 09:27 AM
I sense potential. Does the eyebrow need an hour to recover once you've done that to it?

Do you mean how long does the part I lick in it last?
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 09:31 AM
Do you mean how long does the part I lick in it last?

No, I mean do you leave the eyebrow quivering and spent after you lick it, fer chrissakes. Don't you know anything about eyebrow sex?
Limper
08-09-2007, 09:38 AM
I guess I'll have to sex up my eyebrow a bit and see but I'll have to wait till I get home all the ladies in the office are watching me and the wetness on the carpet is creating a health and safty issue.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 11:24 AM
You don't have a "Wet Floor" sign handy at all times? I mean c'mon, if you're really serious about recruiting for the Church of Limper, you have to be prepared for the sake of your followers.
Limper
08-09-2007, 11:30 AM
You don't have a "Wet Floor" sign handy at all times? I mean c'mon, if you're really serious about recruiting for the Church of Limper, you have to be prepared for the sake of your followers.

The disciples I had put on it got to fucked up on bumpyface... its hard as hell to find good disciples these days.

By the way if you are interested in becoming a Disciple of Limper please send your resume, a self addressed stamped envelope and a check for the $25 processing fee to my PO Box.

God of All
PO box 666
St Louis Mo 63116

Make the checks payable to Limper
Prorpger
08-09-2007, 11:58 AM
Go here if you want to get a license as a minster.

http://www.themonastery.org/

You can perform weddings and everything.
Limper
08-09-2007, 12:00 PM
Go here if you want to get a license as a minster.

http://www.themonastery.org/

You can perform weddings and everything.

I have a mandate against them until they give me my cut.
Keeper of Secrets
08-09-2007, 12:14 PM
No, I mean do you leave the eyebrow quivering and spent after you lick it, fer chrissakes. Don't you know anything about eyebrow sex?

Trust me, the tongue of Limper is inadequate. I know.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 12:32 PM
Trust me, the tongue of Limper is inadequate. I know.

Oh no, an inadequate tongue is one of the saddest things on the planet. I will have to go forth and test this pupil myself to determine the adequacy level and what to do about it.

Any of you guys remember when I had tongue surgery?
Limper
08-09-2007, 12:34 PM
Oh no, an inadequate tongue is one of the saddest things on the planet. I will have to go forth and test this pupil myself to determine the adequacy level and what to do about it.

Any of you guys remember when I had tongue surgery?

Did you have the strip of skin under your tongue modified? Or was that someone else.
Atropine Mama
08-09-2007, 12:49 PM
Did you have the strip of skin under your tongue modified? Or was that someone else.

That was me. The frenulum (yeah I know the bit on boyparts has a similar name, shutup) was attached so I couldn't stick my tongue out past my lower teeth. I had it severed. Now I'm a good lesbian! :D
Schizm
08-09-2007, 02:05 PM
That was me. The frenulum (yeah I know the bit on boyparts has a similar name, shutup) was attached so I couldn't stick my tongue out past my lower teeth. I had it severed. Now I'm a good lesbian! :D

that same bit on me has that same problem.

Unfortunately, none of the doctors I've seen are willing to sever it (one as unessiccary another because I have chronic sinus infections, and another because of a mild sleep apnia I have), so I'm still tongue-tied. I've found I have to make due with fingers, suction... and teeth. :o
Limper
08-09-2007, 02:07 PM
There was a Schizm in the Church of Limper.
Schizm
08-09-2007, 02:24 PM
There was a Schizm in the Church of Limper.

These things happen occasionally.

You get over it.
Sojourner Judas
08-09-2007, 08:00 PM
I do not know if I can practice a religion that revolves around sexual dysfunction.
Limper
08-10-2007, 07:52 AM
I do not know if I can practice a religion that revolves around sexual dysfunction.

Psychological dysfunction is the only prereq.
Enk
08-10-2007, 08:54 AM
Limper, did you crib this dogma from Jerry Falwell and Orel Roberts?
Limper
08-10-2007, 08:59 AM
Limper, did you crib this dogma from Jerry Falwell and Orel Roberts?

Bill and Teds Most Excellent Adventure.
Enk
08-10-2007, 09:15 AM
Bill and Teds Most Excellent Adventure.

Now that you've said that, all I can think of is "Jerry and Orel's Righteous Romp," with the two televangelists heading back through time and collecting Biblical notables for their vacation bible school.
Limper
08-10-2007, 09:25 AM
Now that you've said that, all I can think of is "Jerry and Orel's Righteous Romp," with the two televangelists heading back through time and collecting Biblical notables for their vacation bible school.

Lets start a production company and do it! THAT is awsome!

We could call it Short Bus To Hell Studios!
Enk
08-10-2007, 09:31 AM
Lets start a production company and do it! THAT is awsome!

We could call it Short Bus To Hell Studios!

One of the tense moments in the otherwise playful comedy would be when Moses tries to stone Mary Magdelene for being a whore.
Limper
08-10-2007, 09:36 AM
One of the tense moments in the otherwise playful comedy would be when Moses tries to stone Mary Magdelene for being a whore.

Should we make Jesus a pimp?
Enk
08-10-2007, 12:59 PM
Should we make Jesus a pimp?

Andrew Lloyd Weber already did that one, didn't he?
doc
08-10-2007, 02:35 PM
O Great and mighty Limper Grant me this boon ! Let me make a 7/ 10 split next time I bowl
Limper
08-13-2007, 07:47 AM
O Great and mighty Limper Grant me this boon ! Let me make a 7/ 10 split next time I bowl

Done, assuming you practice and keep your focus as I don't like give aways.
Limper
10-30-2008, 02:08 PM
Sorry I had to drop this for a bit... fucking IRS.

So do I still have any members?
Droid101
10-30-2008, 02:13 PM
So do I still have any members?

Always. *a single tear*
Limper
10-30-2008, 02:15 PM
Always. *a single tear*

We need a hymn... and I think having it to the tune of bananaphone would work best.
Lmik
10-30-2008, 02:40 PM
Sorry I had to drop this for a bit... fucking IRS.

So do I still have any members?

Ah I am just seeing the time lag. I was thinking "Shit he is a god to get all these people to post again so quickly."

Not that I am now saying that you are not a God (I don't want to get hit by the curse of the non extending tongue - I am already as incompetent in the sexual wiles as I want to be).
Limper
10-30-2008, 03:13 PM
Ah I am just seeing the time lag. I was thinking "Shit he is a god to get all these people to post again so quickly."

Not that I am now saying that you are not a God (I don't want to get hit by the curse of the non extending tongue - I am already as incompetent in the sexual wiles as I want to be).

You were sooooo close to eternal ultra premature ejaculation.
Schizm
10-30-2008, 03:37 PM
Always. *a single tear*

careful there droid - don't smear your eyeliner.
Limper
10-30-2008, 03:38 PM
careful there droid - don't smear your eyeliner.

Don't listen Droid! I like the tear filled racoon eye look you get after a good fucking.
Schizm
10-30-2008, 03:40 PM
Don't listen Droid! I like the tear filled racoon eye look you get after a good fucking.

You're right limper. there is a certain charm in that look.
Limper
10-30-2008, 03:44 PM
You're right limper. there is a certain charm in that look.

Droid! Are you letting other men fuck you? You cheap little manwhore!
Schizm
10-30-2008, 04:09 PM
Droid! Are you letting other men fuck you? You cheap little manwhore!

Letting? HAHA!

More like asking!
Limper
10-30-2008, 04:23 PM
Letting? HAHA!

More like asking!

Lets both be honest... its begging.
Lmik
10-30-2008, 05:27 PM
Because I haven't had sex with Droid (It sounds as if I am a member of an exclusive club there) I have to turn the topic back to that of the Hymn to Limper. After much work I have manged to come up with more rhymes for Limper than my original effort of "Gimper". Here goes;

All Praise to the great God Limper
He ends with a bang not a whimper
He makes all the other God Shrimper
The all powerful manwhore god pimper
Limper
10-31-2008, 11:28 AM
Because I haven't had sex with Droid (It sounds as if I am a member of an exclusive club there) I have to turn the topic back to that of the Hymn to Limper. After much work I have manged to come up with more rhymes for Limper than my original effort of "Gimper". Here goes;

All Praise to the great God Limper
He ends with a bang not a whimper
He makes all the other God Shrimper
The all powerful manwhore god pimper

Thats really good... I mean pure talent... have you concidered a career with the church sponsored Boy Band?
Cat of Ulthar
10-31-2008, 06:07 PM
Because I haven't had sex with Droid

:shock: How did you manage that?!?
Limper
11-03-2008, 11:16 AM
:shock: How did you manage that?!?

Not sure he must have been out of the loop since.... 78 or so.
Singularity
11-03-2008, 11:19 AM
So Limper's gone all Calligula on us.

Cool.
Limper
11-03-2008, 11:22 AM
So Limper's gone all Calligula on us.

Cool.

If I'm to be God of everything then I intend it to be EVERYTHING! Even Droids not at all tight anymore ass.
Schizm
11-03-2008, 11:29 AM
could a god stretch droid's ass out so far it puts goatse to shame, but then leave it all tight for the next guy?

These are important questions.
Limper
11-03-2008, 11:34 AM
could a god stretch droid's ass out so far it puts goatse to shame, but then leave it all tight for the next guy?

These are important questions.


Yes its called a miracle! We bend space and time to allow his ass to be infinitely wide and accomadating as well as infinitely tight and enjoyable.

He cries like a bitch and begs for more either way.