Let Loose the Joys of Work

[Glass]

iPhones. iPhones, iPhones, iPhones. I never particularly liked this phone, but hey, if people are paying me money to unlock it, I'm not going to say no. It's kind of absurd to handle over 100 of the same phone in the space of a week, though. :D

I love people who can't find their way to things that are 1) right in front of them, and 2) have big, freakin' signs, with the name of the place on it, right above the entrance, so big that even the blind girl who goes to church can find it. The only thing better than that is, when you tell these people, when they get demanding as you're writing something down, that it's right there where there's a big sign that says the name of the convention center, they insist on being ghetto-fabulous and telling you that "you gon' be reported! *snap* How you like dat?!"

Also nice, people who insist on reminding you of how big & important they are, after acting like complete and utter subhuman chuds. Banging on a counter and making a scribble motion is not the way to ask for a pen. Behave like a human, and maybe I'll treat you like one. But to then tell me that "you don't know what a huge mistake you made, bud, I work for the MAYORS office!" only makes me want to see you killed in an unfortunate Omen-like glass incident.

Ah, 9.5 more hours here. At least I've got very polite Brits to keep my faith in humanity alive.

[Priss]

Try making appointments for people.
Me: "I have the whole day open expect 11 when we go to lunch. What time would you like."
Patient: "Oh anytime I don't care." So I choose a time for them, which I announce aloud and they agree to then the moment I start to print the appointment reminder hear: "Do you have anything earlier/later?"

Or

Me: "The first appointment I have available is (fill in date and time)."
Patient: " Do you have anything before that?"

Or

Me: "I can squeeze you in at 7."
Patient: "In the morning?!"

And you think you have issues with people who think they are big and important? Dude. I regularly have to make high ranking officers wait while I take care of privates.

Oh and let's not forget the number of times I've had to keep people who have been given iv sedation in my office because their escorts decided it would be a good idea to bring their motorcycle to pick up the person who can't walk straight.

I could go on for hours. People are stupid and obnoxious.

[FeatsofClay]

Here it is 11:49 pm and a band is jamming on my stage after the DJ shut down fomr a successful art show with high sales and attendance.

Call me tomorrow we will discuss the downside.

[PWD]

I work Unix support. My group's email list very clearly indicates we are unix support.

Yet I continue to receive frantic pages for Windows systems.

The fact I charge them $60 every time they mis-page me mollifies me somewhat, I must admit.

[Brynja]

Student: Miss, what do you want our essays to be like?

Me: Well, (name) use the stanard BCTHS formatting, and *hands sheet and explains* ideally it should have 7 paragraphs. The set up and rebuttal are important as well.

Student: So then can I do 5 paragraphs

Me: Why did you ask me if you were going to do 5 anyhow?

Student: I wanted to know what you wanted.

Me: I just told you.

Student: Oh...right. So 7 paragraphs?

Me: Yes, please.

[Priss]

My other favorite: The fact hat I have had this exact conversation (almost verbatim with little variation) numerous times boggles the mind.

Me answering phone: "Thank you for calling POM Dental Clinic. This is Shauna, may I help you?"

caller: "Is this the dental clinic?"

me: "Yes. May I help you?"

Caller: "I want to make an appointment with the medical clinic."

Me: "Medical's appointment line is 5667."

Caller: "Yeah I tried that, they aren't answering."

Me after long pause: "So you want to make a dental appointment instead?"

Caller sounding exasperated: "No, I want to make a medical appointment but they aren't answering their phone."

me: "So you called dental?"

Caller: "Yes."

Me: "Why?"

Caller really annoyed now: "Because I want to make a medical appointment and they wont answer the phone!"

Me: "What do you expect dental to do about that?"

Caller: "Go over and tell them to call me or to pick up the line."

Me: "Sorry, no."

Caller: "Well what kind of help are you? That's a fine way to offer service to the troops!"

[Glass]

And now it starts. Damn you, version 1.1.1.

"You unlocked my iPhone, and now it's locked again, you need to unlock it again for me!"
Sir, do you remember the conversation we had when you brought the phone to us to get unlocked?
"No, I wasn't listening!"
OK, well, if you had been, you would have heard me tell you that a software upgrade was coming out, version 1.1.1, that would relock the iPhone, and that while we guarantee the phone is unlocked and ready to use when you leave, we obviously can't make promises about what another company's software will do, and so if you upgrade the firmware on your phone, and it relocks it, we can't be held responsible. This is why we advised you not to do a superfluous firmware upgrade.
"Well, unlock it again, you owe me!"
Sir, we don't owe you anything, for one, and two, we can't unlock this version yet.
"WAAAAUGH!"

Yes, he "WAAAUGH!"ed. At 9 AM, no less. I didn't realize people from Connecticut could MAKE Orc noises.

[Freedom Canadian]

What does "unlocking an iPhone" mean, exactly ?

Caller: "Well what kind of help are you? That's a fine way to offer service to the troops!"

You obviously hate democracy. :D

[Priss]

What does "unlocking an iPhone" mean, exactly ?
It means the phone can be used to work on networks other than AT&T. Once the guy updated his firmware the phoen was locked again and now he can't use it on which ever network he's on.



You obviously hate democracy. :D

Of course I hate democracy, you think I do this stuff to people because they are morons?

[Glass]

What does "unlocking an iPhone" mean, exactly ?


Y'know how the iPhone's only available through AT&T right now? Unlocking means you can use it with any SIM Card anywhere in the world(except Japan).

[Glass]

It means the phone can be used to work on networks other than AT&T. Once the guy updated his firmware the phoen was locked again and now he can't use it on which ever network he's on.





Of course I hate democracy, you think I do this stuff to people because they are morons?

Have my babies.


Please.


(Not Flirting)

[Cat of Ulthar]

The harvest of the last few weeks, all genuine phone calls:


"Is that with an F or a V?"
"F, for Victor."

----------------

(loud buzzing noise, a guy's voice: )"My boiler is making a horrible noise."
"Can you pull the plug?"
"Okay... I just pulled the plug out but it still makes an enormous racket!"
"That is odd, it should not get any more power."
"Well it is still making noise!"
"Are you sure you pulled the right plug?"
"Yeah, it's the one leading from the boiler... Hold on... (rummaging, noise stops) Ah! Turns out the noise was my alarm clock going off!"

-------------------

“I’m sorry sir, the technical helpdesk is closed at the moment, and I would not know how to help you.”
“That’s allright, thanks for trying. I’ll just play with myself a little and see what happens.”

-------------------------

"What brand is your boiler?"
"Acknowledged Technical Installers"

--------------

"Could you tell me what time the eight-o'-clock news starts?"

----------

"What is your name?"
"I'm from Germany!"

-----------------

"Is your house rented or bought?"
"Yes."

--------------

"There is police checking for speeding, at Route 9."
"Which direction?"
"Left."

--------------

"I need an electrician here now! I cannot go to sleep in the dark now, can I?"

--------------

"Whom are you looking for?"
"The one I am trying to reach."

-----------------

"Where exactly is your broken window?"
"Outside."

---------------------

"What was your relationship with the deceased?"
"I did not have a relationship with the deceased!!!"

-------------------

"What is the size of your broken window?"
"It's in the front door."
"Yeah, so what size is it?"
"Aren't all front doors the same?"

[Thoth-Amon]

Here is me getting spelling of somones name over the phone.

Person on other end with strong mexican accent.

S as is sam
A as in elephant...

[Janos]

This person applied for an entry level HR Assistant position yesterday afternoon. Note things like date, grammar, spelling, etc. I like my job, but I really loathe how lazy some people are about job searching. The resume wasn't that bad, but in a position where attention to detail and accuracy are critical, this person really didn't do themselves any favors.

And this is one of 590 resumes since we posted the ad Friday. I really wish people wouldn't waste my time and read the damn ad they apply for.

August 28, 2006

Dear Hiring manager:

I am writing to express my interest in and enthusiasm for the position as Senior Casualty Claims Representative. I have years of experience and specialized handle more complex issues involved in a workers compensation dealing investigate old case claims and excellent of negotiation. You will find that I am a dedicated and driven professional who can be of a value to your practice. I am looking forward to meet with you to discuss how my experience can be useful in your environment. By employing me, you sure that your Claims Dept is conducted in a continuous and systematic manner. There will be no lapses in your Medical Claims and a steady income flow will be attained.

Again, I am very excited to meet with you at your inconvenience. If you agree that my qualification meets your need, I would be delighted to meet with you personally to discuss strategies that would be beneficial to your practice.

[there_is_no_bob]

I have years of experience and specialized handle more complex issues involved in a workers compensation dealing investigate old case claims and excellent of negotiation
:what:

I'm pretty sure I've seen sentences that coherent in those random "get past the spam filter" messages.

[Priss]

Ouch, that's just painful. It's like a lot of my chat messages when I'm distracted and sleepy, words are missing and they can't even string together 2 coherent sentences in a row.

[Janos]

Ouch, that's just painful. It's like a lot of my chat messages when I'm distracted and sleepy, words are missing and they can't even string together 2 coherent sentences in a row.

I especially liked "Again, I am very excited to meet with you at your inconvenience. "

Why thank you job applicant. I would love to meet with you too! Shall we interview while I'm on the john? Perhaps while I'm usually asleep at 4 am? Both would be equally inconvenient.

[_Michael]

I especially liked "Again, I am very excited to meet with you at your inconvenience. "

Why thank you job applicant. I would love to meet with you too! Shall we interview while I'm on the john? Perhaps while I'm usually asleep at 4 am? Both would be equally inconvenient.

That is almost as bad as a girl I worked with in walmart. She couldn't read and I think she dropped out of school. They placed her in stationary and then I believe that they finally had her as a cashier at the service desk. I went out of my way to do my returns around midnight.

[Glass]

Today's winner is a guy who walks up, plops down a heavily sweating drink, a water bottle, and two or three pieces of paper, and begins demanding that I pull up his account. One, we're not that kind of wireless store, we're an independent dealer. Two, I don't even know that they were from a cell phone company, because he won't let me see them at all and gets very weird when I try to look and figure out what the hell's going on. After about five minutes of this wrangling and haranguing, I tell him that I'm not able to help him, he curses me out, and ask him to leave. He starts getting louder and more belligerent, telling me he won't leave because it's my job to help him; and that's when I decide it's time to clean my glass counters, and wasn't it a shame that he didn't think to move his papers when I asked him to.

Don't fuck around before I've had my coffee. That way leads to madness.

[Vermicious Knid]

Mac OS 10.5 releases on 10/26. Due to security concerns we don't get our hands on it until after the customers do. So I get to start supporting an OS I've never touched.


:what:

[Janos]

Here's a hint to all potential jobseekers. Your resume, your email, and everything contained within is a representation of who you are that is shown to a potential employer.

If, for example, you decide that the email address: Iwasright@babiestastegood.com is funny and entertaining, then I applaud you. However, I do not want to see that as the email address you then use to send a resume in to an employer. If you are that unprofessional to the people who will pay you, why the fuck would we want to hire you?

[doc]

What nimrod had that as his e-mail address ?

How y'all doing on the fire line BTW ??

[Janos]

What nimrod had that as his e-mail address?

How y'all doing on the fire line BTW ??

A plumber for El Paso used that.

We're safe now and the fire is mostly contained. 35,000 acres eaten and about two dozen homes locally. Property damage estimated in the tens of millions (which isn't bad, it could have been much, much worse, and it is in San Diego). So at last things have calmed down.

Everything around is charred and smells of smoke, but that's the lesser issue at this point.

They know the fire was arson started in 3 places, and think it was different people. They have pictures of two of the vehicles, but no plates. Reward is 285k for information leading to the capture of the arsonist.

Response locally was pretty good, but the state really screwed the pooch with my County. That said, it looks like nothing is going to change or be done about it.

[Vermicious Knid]

10.5 tech support update. Senior support (which I am) was horribly understaffed before the release. 15-20 minute hold times. Rather than hire/train new agents to meet demand, they've been slowly turning the screws trying to get more production out of the same number of agents.

So 10.5 hits the streets. Calls flood in. So they start riding us harder. Because clearly extreme staffing issues can be resolved by harassing agents who are already overworked and stressed....

Right now we have 133 calls holding, with a wait time of over 1 hour. :mad:

[Janos]

Right now we have 133 calls holding, with a wait time of over 1 hour. :mad:

I call that the AT&T/Cingular customer service experience. They must have shared playbooks.

[Pigs in Space]

Man, I just have to put up with loudmouth American Coworkers.



;)

[Vermicious Knid]

I call that the AT&T/Cingular customer service experience. They must have shared playbooks.


Not standard SOP for Apple. I'm hoping somebody gets thrown under the train for this one.

[PWD]

Someone has a new hire and gets the person added to a server with FTP only access. Publishing or whatever, doesn't really matter.

Months go by of wrangling back and forth over whether it's been done, and that yes his account is active and if he'd only use the password we provided instead of whatever strikes his fancy that day, he'd be okay.

Finally get him to clear out the default password from his ftp client and put in what we told him, and all of a sudden he can connect. It's like magic or something! Golly!

Only now, 'he can't upload'. Long long mails about how this is impacting business line blahblahblah, and estimated dollar loss of blahblah, and we need to help him.

Only problem is, if I log in on his account I can do everything. I point this out.

"This is impacting blahblahblah and I need someone to come to my desk and set this up". Umm, no. You're five hours away from me, and fuck you anyhow. Learn your shit before you pester me. It's clearly a problem with you or your software.

Dude goes away for a week, then his manager starts blustering via email. "This is impacting blahblahblah".

I log in as user, transfer files, make directories, delete directories, delete files, screenshot the entire damn thing, and send it to them. If I can do this via the command line, you can fucking well do it via your ftp software unless a) you're an idiot, or b) you're an idiot and you fucked with the options. Either way, you're an idiot and it's not my problem. I say as much, though in slightly more don't-get-fired friendly terms.

"I still can't do it and I need someone to come here, and if it's not you then I'm going to talk to your manager and get it escalated! blahblah dollar value blahblah"

Fine. There's no problem here until you get involved. You have a hire that doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, a manager that's more interested in blustering than making fucking sense, and an overworked Sysadmin who has better real work things to do than handhold idiots through step by step proofs of why they're an idiot who shouldn't have fucked with me in the first place. My manager hasn't gotten to tell anyone off yet today, and I know he's a ball of nerves. Have fun with that.

[Freedom Canadian]

This person applied for an entry level HR Assistant position yesterday afternoon. Note things like date, grammar, spelling, etc. I like my job, but I really loathe how lazy some people are about job searching. The resume wasn't that bad, but in a position where attention to detail and accuracy are critical, this person really didn't do themselves any favors.

When we were hiring a management advisor the other day, one of the resumes we got had a bunch of grammar errors in it. That's for a job where the main task is writing stuff up all nice and clear (so the boss doesn't have to :D). I mean, it's a high end professional job, people ! At least make sure the shit in your resume is correct. Sheesh.

[Janos]

When we were hiring a management advisor the other day, one of the resumes we got had a bunch of grammar errors in it. That's for a job where the main task is writing stuff up all nice and clear (so the boss doesn't have to :D). I mean, it's a high end professional job, people ! At least make sure the shit in your resume is correct. Sheesh.

It never ceases to amaze me how many typos can be found on the average Data Entry Clerk resume.

[Hatter]

I started my new job today. I love my new job.

-- engineer Hatter

[PWD]

I started my new job today. I love my new job.

-- engineer Hatter

Congrats! Let's hope the love affair lasts.

[Xavier Lang]

Today and yesterday at work we are basically standing around with nothing to do. A major trade show/event is taking place so we can't do anything to stress the system or change code. Were basically trying to look busy and monitor the system to make sure nothing goes wrong.

[Dr_Avalanche]

I started my new job today. I love my new job.

-- engineer Hatter

Awesome! Gimme the details. Finally got tired of the old place?

[Atropine Mama]

I started my new job today. I love my new job.

-- engineer Hatter

Sweet! Tell us about the new stuff! :yay:

[Glass]

Today at work, I got told that I was a flaming asshole because I wouldn't let a woman spread her crap out across an entire display, and I asked her to move over to a bench about 10 feet away. This apparently justifies turning into a screaming harpy queen, because Don't I Know Who She Is?

[Freedom Canadian]

This apparently justifies turning into a screaming harpy queen, because Don't I Know Who She Is?

Who was she ? :confused:

[Glass]

Who was she ? :confused:
A self-important bitch.

[Cat of Ulthar]

Right now we have 133 calls holding, with a wait time of over 1 hour. :mad:

:shock: Incredible. Poor you, I can imagine what the people are like when you finally get to talk to them...

[Vermicious Knid]

:shock: Incredible. Poor you, I can imagine what the people are like when you finally get to talk to them...

Surprisingly nice, strangely enough. I think the wait is sucking the fight out of them. Either that or the shitty hold music pulled randomly from the worst crap on the iTunes store.

The bummer is that they are so fried after the 2-3 hours they've spent on the phone before they get to talk to me that they have trouble following instructions or articulating what they are looking at. :(


88 calls holding. Average wait 1 hour 28 minutes. On a Sunday. :shock:

[Hatter]

Awesome! Gimme the details. Finally got tired of the old place?

Not that tired, I just moved across the hall.

Sweet! Tell us about the new stuff!

I'm always puzzled at how to explain what it is I do. In short, I was a technician and now am an engineer. It's not any more money and there's more responsibility, but there's also more room to grow. I'm having a blast learning new stuff again and the environment encourages me to do just that.

(For the telecom people here, I'm now a tier 3 engineer for Avaya Modular Messaging)