View Full Version : Ultimate in Frivolous Lawsuits - Lets Sue God!
Janos
09-18-2007, 11:17 AM
LINCOLN, Neb. - The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.
State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.
Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terrorist threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."
The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."
He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.
Suit in protest
Chambers said the lawsuit was triggered by a federal suit filed against a judge who recently barred words such as "rape" and "victim" from a sexual assault trial.
The accuser in the criminal case, Tory Bowen, sued Lancaster District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront, claiming that he violated her free speech rights.
Chambers said Bowen's lawsuit is inappropriate because the Nebraska Supreme Court has already considered the case and federal courts follow the decisions of state supreme courts on state matters.
"This lawsuit having been filed and being of such questionable merit creates a circumstance where my lawsuit is appropriately filed,"
Chambers said. "People might call it frivolous but if they read it they'll see there are very serious issues I have raised."
U.S. District Judge Richard Kopf, in an order last week, expressed doubts about whether Bowen's lawsuit "has any legal basis whatsoever"
and said sanctions may be imposed against Bowen and her attorneys if they fail to show cause for the lawsuit.
The Associated Press usually does not identify accusers in sex-assault cases, but Bowen has allowed her name to be used publicly because of the issue over the judge's language restrictions.
Cheuvront declared a mistrial in the sexual assault trial in July, saying pretrial publicity made it impossible to gather enough impartial jurors.
I'm not sure whether to laugh at this guy for making a good point about stupid lawsuits, or cry that he's that wacked out.
I hope he gets charged himself with something. Or at least thrown in jail for contempt of court.
Northcott
09-18-2007, 11:48 AM
At first I thought this was from the Onion. It's hillarious! They should just give him the summons that demands a court appearance from God, and tell him to deliver it if he ever sees the big guy around.
I'm left doing a WTF? over the words "rape" and "victim" being barred from a sexual assault trial, however.
So if he gets struck by lighting the case is dismissed ?
Janos
09-18-2007, 11:52 AM
I'm left doing a WTF? over the words "rape" and "victim" being barred from a sexual assault trial, however.
I'm not saying I agree in the slightest, but I have heard the answer to that one before:
They assume guilt on the part of the defendant and bias the jury.
Northcott
09-18-2007, 12:38 PM
I'm not saying I agree in the slightest, but I have heard the answer to that one before:
They assume guilt on the part of the defendant and bias the jury.
Wow. "I swear to tell he truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth -- unless the words that convey what I believe to be the truth should happen to be barred by a wanktastic judge's ruling."
In T.H. White's "The Once and Future King", an aged Arthur looks back on his life and laments the changes he wrought in the world. He had brought law and order to the land, creating courts and protection under the law for all people. But he comes to realize that the system he sought to abolish -- that of martial champions for deciding guilt and innocence, a literal "might makes right" scenario -- had not disappeared at all. It had simply transformed into who could hire a better spin doctor/slanderer/arguer. When I hear about things I consider flaws in the legal system, that's often the first thing I think about: sad old Arthur and his dashed dream of justice for all.
That's why the first thing most despots do is line the lawyers up against the wall and shoot them. There's a reason most politicians are first lawyers, to truely know how to fuck the people you have to know the laws so you don't fuck yourself as well. The ones that study political science in college are the slimeballs of slimeballs, they start out to fuck the proles.
Kwalish Kid
09-18-2007, 04:37 PM
It would be hilarious if the guy didn't take money from corporate interests that are trying to protect themselves from civil suits that attempt to correct their malfeasance.
Now maybe the guy is legit, but most fo the activity against lawsuits in the US is motivated by cold, hard cash.
Northcott
09-18-2007, 08:54 PM
It would be hilarious if the guy didn't take money from corporate interests that are trying to protect themselves from civil suits that attempt to correct their malfeasance.
There's sad truth in that.
Sobek
09-18-2007, 09:14 PM
The judge should throw it out on the grounds that God isn't a US resident. Thus, there is no standing.
Try taking it to the International Court.
Bagpuss
09-19-2007, 07:40 AM
But God is omnipresent and therefore a US Resident (it was in the original article).
Northcott
09-19-2007, 10:04 AM
But God is omnipresent and therefore a US Resident (it was in the original article).
Ah, but there's an error in there! Y'see, God was neither born in the USA, nor has he (to the best of my knowledge) applied for citizenship. Therefore God is an illegal alien, and should be deported back to Cuba, post haste.
I hear they caught some kid named Jesus just last week.
Kwalish Kid
09-19-2007, 11:17 AM
God has been convicted by courts before: http://www.amazon.com/Trial-God-Elie-Wiesel/dp/0805210539
Bagpuss
09-19-2007, 11:24 AM
He's Jewish isn't he, so surely Israel will take him in? :rolleyes:
Besides I believe he arrived with the Founding Fathers and I don't think they had green cards in those days.
Northcott
09-19-2007, 11:34 AM
He's Jewish isn't he, so surely Israel will take him in? :rolleyes:
Besides I believe he arrived with the Founding Fathers and I don't think they had green cards in those days.
Yeah, but he didn't swear the Oath of Allegiance. Refused to take his own name in vain. :D
Hastur T. Fannon
09-19-2007, 01:30 PM
I thought everyone knew that God is an Englishman?
The Winslow
09-19-2007, 02:10 PM
He's Jewish isn't he, so surely Israel will take him in? :rolleyes:
Does that mean that God's foreskin is cut off?
I thought everyone knew that God is an Englishman?
Does that mean he bought a summer residence in France?
Limper
09-19-2007, 02:13 PM
He's Jewish isn't he, so surely Israel will take him in? :rolleyes:
Besides I believe he arrived with the Founding Fathers and I don't think they had green cards in those days.
They had green cards back then... they just called them muskets.
Janos
09-19-2007, 02:18 PM
Does that mean that God's foreskin is cut off?
God's Foreskin would be an awesome holy relic to throw into a Middle Ages type campaign.
Does that mean he bought a summer residence in France?
And has bad teeth?
Hastur T. Fannon
09-20-2007, 04:29 PM
God's Foreskin would be an awesome holy relic to throw into a Middle Ages type campaign.
Apparently Jesus had several foreskins - it was quite a common relic at one stage
Hastur T. Fannon
09-20-2007, 04:31 PM
I'm sorry if this has put a truely dreadful image into anyone's head. I only realised one of the possible reasons for this after I hit reply
The Winslow
09-20-2007, 04:33 PM
No worries. I know better than visualizing things I read on the Internet, and I think it's the case for most people here.
I always thought God swung between a kind loveing old gent and a woman with really bad PMS.
Yep I know I'm going to be roasted and called sexest, I blame Limper for my regression.
Varaj
09-20-2007, 04:38 PM
Apparently Jesus had several foreskins - it was quite a common relic at one stage
It was kind of like the bread and fish trick he did when he was older.
Space Cadet B^3
09-20-2007, 04:43 PM
He just thought they said "four skins" so he gave them four of 'em.
Sobek
09-20-2007, 09:51 PM
But God is omnipresent and therefore a US Resident (it was in the original article).
Really? Was he born here? No. Where's his green card?
This guy's real motive is to deport God as an illegal alien.
The Winslow
09-21-2007, 06:05 AM
Really? Was he born here? No. Where's his green card?
This guy's real motive is to deport God as an illegal alien.
Welcome to post #12.
That said, if God is everywhere, has he been always everywhere? If so, then he was born in the United States too.
Sobek
09-21-2007, 08:32 AM
Welcome to post #12.
That said, if God is everywhere, has he been always everywhere? If so, then he was born in the United States too.
The United States doesn't allow dual+ citizenship. If he's a citizen because of residence, then he has to give up his citizenship to the other nations.
Northcott
09-21-2007, 08:41 AM
Welcome to post #12.
That said, if God is everywhere, has he been always everywhere? If so, then he was born in the United States too.
Dude, you fail at both science and religion! :( Either we've got a big bang, or He said "let there be light! (That I might see what the fuck I'm sculpting here)". He predates the USA, kind of like mountain formations and the earth's core predate the USA.
Saaaaaaay! Maybe this cunning bastard is trying to lay the groundwork for claiming that the USA owns God! :shock: If he's a natural feature of the landscape...
The Winslow
09-21-2007, 08:55 AM
Dude, you fail at both science and religion! :( Either we've got a big bang, or He said "let there be light! (That I might see what the fuck I'm sculpting here)". He predates the USA, kind of like mountain formations and the earth's core predate the USA.
Ah, no, sorry! God doesn't predate anything. He is outside of the flow of time, which is how he is eternal. Just like he is everywhere at the same time, he is everywhen at the same place. That means he's birthing right now, and tomorrow, and yesterday, and never.
Xavier Lang
09-21-2007, 09:37 AM
Ah, no, sorry! God doesn't predate anything. He is outside of the flow of time, which is how he is eternal. Just like he is everywhere at the same time, he is everywhen at the same place. That means he's birthing right now, and tomorrow, and yesterday, and never.
When I was a kid this sort of information always made me think we were like a sandwich god ate. If we are inside of him, he must of eaten us or something.
:D
Northcott
09-21-2007, 10:06 AM
Ah, no, sorry! God doesn't predate anything. He is outside of the flow of time, which is how he is eternal. Just like he is everywhere at the same time, he is everywhen at the same place. That means he's birthing right now, and tomorrow, and yesterday, and never.
Oooh! Damn your theologically sound answer!
Counterpoint: God is eternal: always has been and ever shall be. Therefore 'birth' doesn't apply, as it's a mortal concept.
I'd be hospitalized for laughing injuries if this line of thought actually took hold in the USA, and a movement was started to declare special citizenship for God. :D
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